6/30/2003

Sesame Out Reach Project

In an effort to reach the inner-inner city kids the Sesame Workshop has created a new series called Sesame Alley (Dutch version SesamStraat shown below). Many of the most loved characters can be found in this 'hood as well!

6/27/2003

CARS TODAY ARE TOO SAFE!
They keep making cars safer (ABS, all-wheel drive, side impact bags, etc.) and now they are talking about banning cell phone use completley-- even with a headset. Don't they know that talking to a passenger is even more distracting? Will they ban passengers and children from cars soon? And yet, people still drive like dangerous idiots-- why? Because they feel TOO SAFE! I think that if we made cars so unsafe that people were nervous to be in them, everyone would drive a lot more carefully! So let's see the following in next year's models:
* Random-locking brakes
* Shattering glass
* All plastic and balsa bodies (saves on gas too!)
* No seatbelts
* Steering column works 98% of the time
* Firestone tires for everyone!
I ALWAYS KNEW THIS WAS TRUE!


If you would like your own bad fortune cookie, you can go here and get one yourself!

6/26/2003

THE BIG QUESTION
I realize most people want to know how it got up there; but my question is, "How did he get down? The doors are blocked by the trees and it looks awfully high up!"

6/25/2003

FLY ME TO THE MOON
Wanna own an acre of property for only $30? You can do so by following this link. The land is cheap, the view is great, but the round-trip airfare is a bit pricey (say about $60M).
You've Got To Be Kidding!!
It's not John, Paul, George, or even Ringo -- but if this story is true, I believe that we will see a new "B"-movie based on a whole trailer park infected just like this poor kid.
Guys, you're not gonna like this!

6/24/2003

ANOTHER CAN'T MISS ANNUAL EVENT
The moon will rise over AmTrak in California. Book your tickets now before the train is all sold out...or come as a participant and show your best side.

6/23/2003

IF THEY HAVE TO WARN YOU--
IT MEANS THAT SOMEONE HAS ALREADY TRIED IT

Here is a list of things NOT to do on a unicycle. I can sense guys everwhere already guarding their crotch before the page is even loaded...enjoy!
IF YOU ALREADY BOUGHT THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE
Here is a unique "marketing opportunity" for those looking for the next new thing.
It will also improve quality of life for those living in areas where water is scarce. They are having a 2-for-1 sale so hurry! :-) And if you buy some, I have some swamp land to sell really cheap!!

6/21/2003

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE CANDIDATES COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE
Jerry Springer makes a run for it!
Maybe we should make a run for it? Watch out Canada...here we come!

6/20/2003

Danger of Consuming Too Much Alcohol
Here is a funny link
The more of these things that have happened to you, the more likely that you have a problem ;-)

6/18/2003

Martha Stewart's Living
Help Martha Decorate Her Cell Contest Winners
I didn't want to jump on the Martha bandwagon, but the above link is too funny...
I wonder if she worries that wearing horizontal stripes will make her look fat?
WHAT WE NEED IS MORE RAIN -- NOT!
This spring is ridiculous. The east coast has been in unseasonably cold and rainy weather for months! I'm thinking of moving to Seattle where it is drier.
So we get a few days of sun and then whammo - more rain. Of course, the one or 2 nice days, I have to cut the grass (which is now 3 feet high from all the rain) and suffer through allergies. -- Did I mention that I'm an optimist?

There are three kinds of people: those that can count, and those that can't.

6/17/2003

DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE
Wrigley's is considering making a gum containing Viagra
(ref: http://www.cnn.com/2003/HEALTH/06/17/otsc.gupta/index.html ).
In this regard I would like to point out a few things:
------------
* Remember to take the gum out of your mouth before you have sex
* One piece at a time people-- you don't want to wind up in the E.R.
* For God's sake keep it away from your teenagers!
* When you are done with it: Spit it out, don't swallow it....

Possible Names for this gum:
* Long John's
* BigSquirt (has a liquid center)
* Rocket (to take be sold near Orbit gum)
* AttaBoy
* Big Red (change the current gum)
* Gum to Papa

Possible Flavors?:
* Italian Sausage
* Chocolate
* Double Chocolate
* Mexican Chimichanga
* CondomMint

6/13/2003

Thoughts while eating at a chinese restaurant:
* Why are those photos of the menu items that hang on the wall at the chinese restaurant look like they were taken in 1950? They're all over-exposed and you certainly can't think the food is appetizing.
* What in God's name is that slime that coats most chinese food? I think it's where the goo in MooGoo Gai Pan comes from.
* Is there any egg in an Eggroll?