I would have been better off as a fish!

From the annals of the "Slightly Depressing, but Interesting"...

In some species, such as coho salmon and quail, weedier, less aggressive males are the top choice of females, New Scientist magazine said on Wednesday.

"People just expect the dominant guy to win. But females learn through personal experience that these males can be hurtful," according to Alex Ophir, of Canada's McMaster University in Ontario. Ophir proved the point by observing Japanese quail. After female quail watched a fight between two males they were put in the same cage with the combatants. Virgin females preferred the winner but the females with some sexual experience tended to choose the loser.

Two Jokes

JOKE 1:

This cab driver in the Bronx picks up a drunk from a bar about 3 in the morning.
About halfway home, the drunk asks the driver, "Hey buddy, you got room up there for 2 six packs and a pizza?"
The cab driver says, "Sure."
The drunk says, "Well here ya go," then he leans over the front seat and throws up.

JOKE 2:
There is a knock on St. Peter's door. He looks out and a man is standing there. St. Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears.
A short time later there's another knock. St. Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, and the man disappears once again.
A few minutes later, another knock. Once again St. Peter opens the door and sees the same man.
"Hey, are you playing games with me?" St. Peter calls after him. "No," the man's distant voice replies anxiously. "They're trying to resuscitate me."

Cell phones don't kill people....

RANT ALERT! Previously I ranted about how cars are too safe today (See Jun 27th entry). The safety patrol recently banned using a handheld phone while driving in many places (all of NY state, some of NJ, plus others). This is all well and good, since a headset is better anyway. But if the theory is that having your hand off the wheel for an extended time is dangerous, I see many smokers who drive one-handed; and if you need to drop a cell phone in an emergency you can, but dropping a lit cigarette is not recommended. I actually dont have anything against smoking in the car, I just want to point out the strange rationale of it all.

Now I see a law trying to be passed in my home state that will make the following illegal: putting on makeup (amen to that); reading (duh!); eating (uh-oh), and a few other various "dangerous activities". I understand this to a large extent, especially when I see people doing these stupid things (some people more than one at a time!) while driving. But NOW - I heard some politicians/law makers are considering banning cell phones period -- headset or no headset! That's just plain dumb! Their conjecture is that having a conversation while driving is distracting. While this is true to some extent, just about everything is distracting while driving! It's not what your do, just how many are happening at once. If you are having a conversation, while eating, and blasting the radio (which is pretty bad manners)-- you will likely crash the second any other car does something out of the ordinary. But if having a conversation is distracting, then I guess I can't have any passengers in my car anymore, or at least they have to sit quietly and "behave themselves". I guess we'll have to leave kids home from now on, since they are by far the most distracting thing on the road. I'm sure it won't be long before the audio books-on-tape I listen to (which does take some concentration) will be banned as well. Personally, as long as the activity doesn't require you to take your eyes off the road, it should be okay.

But if we want to make the roads safer, let's ban the following:
* Toll booths (digging for change is very dangerous at 60mph!)
* People who can't stay in the lines even when they're sober
* Anyone wearing a big ol' hat while driving
* Driving less than 20 mph in the left lane
* Using your brakes while going through a green light
* Cars that are so large they need a stairway to climb into

Ready...Speak...Think...

An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 41, Winston-Salem, NC

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD

This one had the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to snow heavily and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

If You Like Cats...You'll Hate This!

Here is the Clay Kitty Shooting video game. It will use up a lot of your time. Have fun!

Weapons of Mass What??

Maybe we'll still find them.

What Good Are They?

I am no biologist (as you'll soon see), and I realize that all the living things here on Earth are supposed to be here for some reason, such as worms are good for the soil, spiders and birds eat the other bugs, ants and bees do their jobs as well, etc. However, there are definitely some things that I wonder what their purpose in the universe is...

Here is a list of creatures that I believe if they were to disappear tomorrow, very few (if any) other living things would miss them:

Ticks

Gnats

Mosquitos

Jellyfish

Sloths

Talk Show Hosts

and, of course Politicians

I would have also included pigeons in this list, however, it appears that they are now all employeed by Google. Here is a job description for them. Later.

Science Run Amok

In an effort to address one of the more serious problems of modern life, Venezuelan scientists have created wind-free beans. Now you can eat all you want, without disturbing your neighbors. Some would say that this takes all of the fun out of the food. What's next: coconuts with twist-off caps? corn-on-the-cob with zippered husks? brussel sprouts that taste like chocolate? And we'll have to update everyone's favorite poem to "Beans, beans, they're good for your heart...The End"

Flashback to 3rd grade for eBay employees

Internal memo from Execs at eBay that states there will be No Talking at your desks people! If you get a pass to go to the coffee room, you can talk there... Anyone want to auction off a Free Pass to Talk at Your Desk on ebay? Don't they know that the employees can just goof off by using chat, or playing Unreal Tournament?

Hieroglyphs, Orange Cones, Bad Guys, and ISPs

EVER wonder what your name would look like in ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics?
Of couse, doesn't everyone! Well, here is the site that will translate that for you: http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/egypt/translator.html.
See if you can figure out what this means: forearm-vulture-loaf-owl-forearm.

IF you have already joined Sierra, GreenPeace, Audobon, WWF, and the Historical Preservation Society of America, here is one more that is a must have: The Traffic Cone Preservation Society. Check out the site, especially the page on evolution of traffic cones. It's very educational.

CRIMINALS always seem to be either geniuses, or really, really stupid. Of course, the stupid ones are much more interesting and funny to read about. Here is a site on Dumb Criminal Acts; check out the Top 10.

TIRED of your ISPs promises, poor service, and high-cost. Well check out SchnellNet. Read how a "real" ISP should be run. The best part is the search engine. Type in anything and do a search.

Duck Season...Wabbit Season...(guess again!)

Someone better keep an eye on this guy Burdick...I would expect that he may wind up in jail soon. He invented a game that costs guys $5-10K to hunt naked women in Las Vegas. The women get paid $2500 to do it. Hey, that's not a bad profit for only supplying paintball equipment! Of course, the women probably have to spend most of their money on burn salve after wandering naked in Nevada all day.

Dorm Space is Tight These Days

This young woman lost the dorm room lottery and was only entitled to a small amount of space that did not use any floor space in the dorm.

Thanks for your tuition!

Don't Get Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed

BERLIN (Reuters) - The heatwave sweeping Germany claimed an unlikely victim when a man sleeping on a roof to escape the high temperatures rolled off, suffering fatal injuries, Berlin police said Wednesday. A tenant of the building found the 28-year-old still alive after his 70-foot fall, but he later died in hospital. The man had bedded down with two friends as temperatures neared 30 degrees Celsius (86 Fahrenheit) in the German capital. The friends only learned of the man's fate after being awakened and informed by police. "The man must have ended up on the steep part of the roof and fallen off," said Berlin police in a statement. His sleeping bag remained hanging off the gutter of the tiled roof.

Secretly Extend Your Lunch Hour!

This website will put a big digital clock on your computer screen, but the advantage is you tell it how many minutes you want in an hour! So if you tell it there are 66 minutes in an hour, it will run just slightly slow -- almost imperceptible...and you get a free 6 minutes for lunch (or whatever). I am thinking of using it in meetings and do the opposite - tell it there are 50 minutes in the hour, when the clock reaches 12:00 the meeting is over! If anyone thinks of even better ways to use it, let me know!

Funny Bumper Stickers

Support your local undertaker - DROP DEAD!
Archeologists will date any old thing
U.S. MARINE CORPS.--Everything destroyed in 30 min. or the next one's free!
Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
I am trying to graduate witha 4.0...blood alcohol level!
Milk sucks, got beer?
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder!
Honk if you hate noise pollution
Honk if you think I'm Jesus
Honk if you're illiterate
Honk if the twins fall out
Honk if you have never seen an ouzi fired from a car window.
Guys are great...every girl should own one!
I live with fear and danger every day, but sometimes she lets me go fishing.
Money does Buy Happiness. Give me $20 And I will smile.
I've managed to consolidate all of my bills into one single GARBAGE CAN!
If 10% is good enough for God, it aught to be good enough for the IRS
Never take investment advice from someone who's working.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left

Homeless Advertising

One company had decided it has had enough of homeless begging for money and decided to put them to work. Of course, some people complained that they don't want to see advertisements everytime the turn around and everywhere they go...I assume they would rather see crazy, smelly homeless people shaking a cup at them!? Maybe after enough days this guy could earn enough to get him a free pizza and an upclass cardboard box near the park. :-))

My Web Pick for the Week

Adam Sandler's web site is very funny. Check out the Features page (you'll need a high-speed connection).

Death Row Final Meals

I'll Take That to Go!
Ever wonder what death-row inmates order for their last meal? Well now the king of capital punishment--the state of Texas--lists the final meals on their corrections website here: http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/finalmeals.htm. What's with the guy who ordered fruit and a garden salad? Does he think the chicken fried steak would be bad for his health? -- Or is he just avoiding anything with the word "fried" in it!

Monster.com Gets Even More Depressing

Salary Timer
If you would like to track your salary on an hour-by-hour basis against some of the more famous celebrities, this depressing site will help you do that! After about 15 minutes I couldn't take it anymore....damn you Tiger Woods!

Something a bit more serious...

I did not verify the info in this post - but thought the point was worth noting...
THE 4TH OF JULY

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died. Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured. Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War. They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor. What kind of men were they?

Twenty four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured. Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his Ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, & his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, & poverty was his reward. Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt. Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn't.

So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid.
Remember: freedom is never free!

Happy Independence Day

Need Some Holiday Activites?
Here are a few links that will keep you entertained during those long, hazy days of of the 3-day weekend.

First a link to a classic video game, Frogger. That's right kids, this was as good as it got when we were kids! We didn't have any of those fancy first-person shooter, virtual reality, gameboy, stuff...Enoy this blast from the (recent?) past.

Next, this flash game of fling the cow into a target seems mindless, but it's like potato chips...I'll bet you can't play just one!

Finally, here is a link to display any text message you want (keep it clean) to a someone else's screensaver, and to see the results via his webcam. Over 300,000 messages so far! Have fun.

Don't Call Us...

By now everyone has heard of the US Government's 'Do Not Call' list that will supposedly keep tele-marketers from calling you as of Oct 1st.
[In case you have been living in a cave- and your cave has internet access -here is the link: http://www.donotcall.gov ]
This link was overwhelmed so badly the first 2 days that the server could not handle the traffic. After only a few days, there were over 10 Million numbers entered into the database! Doesn't this tell you something? Maybe the Gov't should stop wasting everyone's time and avoid the complex task of updating and distributing databases, etc., and just disallow tele-marketing calls in the first place!! If everyone in the US is on the list what's the point of having a list? Obviously, everyone doesn't want to be called. Wouldn't it be easier to just have a 'Please Call Me! I'm Lonely' list and this way tele-marketers can call those who are interested...my guess is that this website would not be overwhelmed. I guess it would be http://www.callmeplease.gov/imlonely.html.

The Absolute Best TV Commercial Ever!!

It won't be seen in the US since it is "too long", and everyone knows we have no attention span….what was I saying? Oh yeah...This 2 minute ad took over 600 takes to get just one where everything went perfectly…it is not edited from piecemeal shots, but was executred exactly as shown. Enjoy.
http://home.attbi.com/~bernhard36/honda-ad.html