This blog has gotten a little off track lately.
I originally started it to record my strange thoughts on life, crazy ideas, anecdotes, observations, and an occasional rant when something really pissed me off...
I also would link to interesting things on the Net, since linking helps get exposure, but also I wanted to share stuff I found online.
Well, it seems like I have focused too much on the latter, and less on the former this past year. Since there are so many blogs that post links to good stuff on the Net, and none that I know of that post the stuff that I am thinking... I am going to focus on that from now on. Yes, there will still be links to stuff I find online that I want to call attention to, but I am mostly going to throw the fecal-like matter that comes from my head onto this blog.
I appreciate you sticking with me after all these years - and please make sure you've had all your shots before visiting.
Mike
1/31/2006
1/26/2006
Free Trip to Vegas and How To Avoid Tax Audits
Subnixus blog is offering a contest for a free trip to vegas. Check out post #111 for the details. He is ostensibly funding this trip from his tax refund this year. Do you know anyone who has even thought about doing their taxes yet? I know for a fact (an IRS auditor told me) that the earlier you file your taxes the more likely you are to receive a general audit. They only can audit so many returns a year and they start assigning them right away. So the point is, once they assigned all the audits for the year, any returns that come in after will not be marked for audit. So the best way to avoid it is to file an extension and submit your return AFTER 4/15.
ps- this does not preclude you from an audit for specific or "fishy" items on the return, so please don't claim your dog as a dependent.
ps- this does not preclude you from an audit for specific or "fishy" items on the return, so please don't claim your dog as a dependent.
1/25/2006
An Unlikely Death
Well the autopsy is in on that whale that whale that wanted to see Big Ben and so swam up the Thames river.
Here is the thing...
How the he11 do you die of dehydration when you live in the water?
That's like dying from boredom at Jello wrestling (ok, maybe not...)
LONDON (Reuters) - A whale that made world headlines when it swam up the River Thames into central London last week died of several factors including severe dehydration, scientists who conducted a post-mortem said on Wednesday.
Here is the thing...
How the he11 do you die of dehydration when you live in the water?
That's like dying from boredom at Jello wrestling (ok, maybe not...)
1/24/2006
Stupid Criminal Tricks (aka How NOT to Play the Lottery)
Don't let this happen to you!
Next time dummy, get a cash advance and use a real dollar!
Christina Goodenow, 38, of Medford, Ore., was arrested in October for using a stolen credit card, but a conviction would be especially disastrous for her since she just won $1 million in the lottery with a $1 ticket she bought with the credit card (thus voiding the ticket).
Next time dummy, get a cash advance and use a real dollar!
1/23/2006
Kids Need to Play Outside! (aka Die SpongeBob!)
I hate starting off a post like this, it makes me seem old, and maybe I am, BUT --
When I was a kid...
I remember spending most of the day outside (weather permitting). I didn't want to be inside, I wanted to go outside and ride my bike, hang with my friends, or just hit a ball around, or burn ants.
I remember playing wiffle ball in the street, and my mother having to scream my name every night to come eat dinner, and I would always be late. It would be dark when I got home, and I would get in trouble, and I would say "But Mom, we were winning!"
Granted, we only had 6 channels on the TV, and not much good programming anyway. But even when we were inside, my brother and I would play with our toys, beat each other up, and generally have a good time.
Today kids have too many options inside:
- Video Games
- Cartoon Network
- Nickelodeon (specifically SpongeBob)
- The Internet (more games, chat, etc.)
Sometimes I'll kick my son out of the house if it's nice just to get some fresh air. What does he do outside? Sits and plays his gameboy.
Is it any wonder our kids are FAT!?
Every once in a while I'll cajole him into playing catch or something. It only takes about fifteen minutes and he says he's tired! Now I'm not really old or anything, but I should be tired WAY before a young kid is! I told him I used to play baseball ALL DAY without stopping for lunch.
What did he have to say to that on this particularly beautiful 70 degree day?
"Can I go watch Sponge Bob?"
When I was a kid...
I remember spending most of the day outside (weather permitting). I didn't want to be inside, I wanted to go outside and ride my bike, hang with my friends, or just hit a ball around, or burn ants.
I remember playing wiffle ball in the street, and my mother having to scream my name every night to come eat dinner, and I would always be late. It would be dark when I got home, and I would get in trouble, and I would say "But Mom, we were winning!"
Granted, we only had 6 channels on the TV, and not much good programming anyway. But even when we were inside, my brother and I would play with our toys, beat each other up, and generally have a good time.
Today kids have too many options inside:
- Video Games
- Cartoon Network
- Nickelodeon (specifically SpongeBob)
- The Internet (more games, chat, etc.)
Sometimes I'll kick my son out of the house if it's nice just to get some fresh air. What does he do outside? Sits and plays his gameboy.
Is it any wonder our kids are FAT!?
Every once in a while I'll cajole him into playing catch or something. It only takes about fifteen minutes and he says he's tired! Now I'm not really old or anything, but I should be tired WAY before a young kid is! I told him I used to play baseball ALL DAY without stopping for lunch.
What did he have to say to that on this particularly beautiful 70 degree day?
"Can I go watch Sponge Bob?"
1/17/2006
THINK - Before You Say Something Stupid
I see this on TV, in the work place, and pretty much everywhere these days.
So consider this a PSA to remind you to use brain first, mouth second:
So consider this a PSA to remind you to use brain first, mouth second:
Happy Birthday Ben!
No not Affleck...
Here are some more hints:
- He signed the Declaration of Independence
- He invented the bi-focals
- Retired wealthy at age 42
It's Ben Franklin! Today is he is 300!
I have been studying his life recently and the more I learn about him, the more impressed I am. We could use a couple of Ben Franklin's around today - especially in Washington D.C.!!
My list of Top Minds in History (not currently alive) are:
* Leonardo DaVinci
* Ben Franklin
* Thomas Edison
* Abraham Lincoln
* Albert Einstein
* Nikola Tesla
* Marie Curie
* Isaac Newton
Of course, not everything he did was a winner: You can read about some of his Quirkiest Ideas here.
Also, he was actually born on Jan 6th, but we celebrate his birthday on 17th because time skipped ahead 11 days in 1757!! Read about that here at LiveScience.
Here are some more hints:
- He signed the Declaration of Independence
- He invented the bi-focals
- Retired wealthy at age 42
It's Ben Franklin! Today is he is 300!
I have been studying his life recently and the more I learn about him, the more impressed I am. We could use a couple of Ben Franklin's around today - especially in Washington D.C.!!
My list of Top Minds in History (not currently alive) are:
* Leonardo DaVinci
* Ben Franklin
* Thomas Edison
* Abraham Lincoln
* Albert Einstein
* Nikola Tesla
* Marie Curie
* Isaac Newton
Of course, not everything he did was a winner: You can read about some of his Quirkiest Ideas here.
Also, he was actually born on Jan 6th, but we celebrate his birthday on 17th because time skipped ahead 11 days in 1757!! Read about that here at LiveScience.
1/16/2006
Germs are Our Friends
Think of all the stuff we have today to help us rid ourselves or prevent the transmission of germs:
* Purell Handwash
* Anti-bacterial Soap
* Quickie Wipes with Bleach
* Bacteria Free Surfaces
* and about 4 million household cleansing products...
Well, not only are all these products now a cause for concern, isn't it a little paranoid to think that all these germs are out to get you? You do know that it is IMPOSSIBLE to eliminate all germs from your hands and body, right? No wonder so many have OCD today.
And if you look at the statistics, we're not healthier today than in the 50's or 60's before they had all this stuff! We're making ourselves like the boy in the bubble; we are acutally making our immune systems worse with all this anti-bacterial stuff...you know the phrase, "use it or lose it" right?
Now here's the kicker:
Think about what you do while your having sex...
(are you thinking about it? wait...keep reading...)
Even if you're having 'safe' sex, you are makeing up for a month worth of anti-bacterial anything!! So don't worry about it! Let the germs come - it will build your immune system. Have a glass of milk in a dirty glass, and enjoy life.
* Purell Handwash
* Anti-bacterial Soap
* Quickie Wipes with Bleach
* Bacteria Free Surfaces
* and about 4 million household cleansing products...
Well, not only are all these products now a cause for concern, isn't it a little paranoid to think that all these germs are out to get you? You do know that it is IMPOSSIBLE to eliminate all germs from your hands and body, right? No wonder so many have OCD today.
And if you look at the statistics, we're not healthier today than in the 50's or 60's before they had all this stuff! We're making ourselves like the boy in the bubble; we are acutally making our immune systems worse with all this anti-bacterial stuff...you know the phrase, "use it or lose it" right?
Now here's the kicker:
Think about what you do while your having sex...
(are you thinking about it? wait...keep reading...)
Even if you're having 'safe' sex, you are makeing up for a month worth of anti-bacterial anything!! So don't worry about it! Let the germs come - it will build your immune system. Have a glass of milk in a dirty glass, and enjoy life.
1/13/2006
1/12/2006
Camo Paper
Here is camouflage toilet paper so that your butt doesn't see it coming!
There is a lot of great speacialty toilet paper at Just Toilet Paper.
There is a lot of great speacialty toilet paper at Just Toilet Paper.
More Things That Keep Me Up At Night...
* If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
* Who puts those "Thin Ice" signs out there?
* When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage?
* If a parsley farmer gets sued, do they garnish his wages?
* If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
* Who puts those "Thin Ice" signs out there?
* When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage?
* If a parsley farmer gets sued, do they garnish his wages?
* If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
1/11/2006
For Sale - Things I Need to Sell for Quick Cash
FOR SALE: 1 Parachute; Only used once, never opened, small stain.
FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap.
FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap.
1/10/2006
Things to Teach Your Children...Before It's Too Late.
Things that would have been good to know when I was younger include:
- If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
- The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
- Where there's a will, there's an attorney.
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back.
- Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.
- Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.
- When you're in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut!
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
- When you're finally holding all the cards, everyone else will decide to play chess.
- The trouble with life is that you're half-way through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
- If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
- The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
- Where there's a will, there's an attorney.
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back.
- Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.
- Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.
- When you're in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut!
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
- When you're finally holding all the cards, everyone else will decide to play chess.
- The trouble with life is that you're half-way through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
1/06/2006
1/02/2006
50 Fun Things to do in an Elevator
1) Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Read 48 more HERE
2) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Read 48 more HERE
If the Starship Enterprise had Bumper Stickers
10) Our other starship separates into THREE pieces!
9) One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it.
8) HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!
7) Guns don't kill people, Mark VII phaser rifles do.
6) Zero to warp 9.7 in 3 seconds!
5) CAUTION! We have a trigger-happy Klingon at tactical!
4) If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?
3) Have you hugged a Ferengi Today?
2) Wesley on board!
1) We break for cubes.
9) One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it.
8) HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!
7) Guns don't kill people, Mark VII phaser rifles do.
6) Zero to warp 9.7 in 3 seconds!
5) CAUTION! We have a trigger-happy Klingon at tactical!
4) If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?
3) Have you hugged a Ferengi Today?
2) Wesley on board!
1) We break for cubes.
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