Thought for the Day

“Some people are like a Slinky...Not really good for anything, but still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs”

Airlines Legally Do False Advertising

You've seen the ads:
Jamaica $99 one-way
London $199 one-way

There are two problems with this, first of all after all the taxes and add-ons your $99 x 2 ticket is like $500 -- but that's an aside.

The point is it is theoretically false advertising. I know that everyone realizes it's based on one-way, but that doesn't make it right. The deal is if you were to ask an airline for a one-way ticket to Jamaica (using the above example) - you would NOT be charged $99. If you were then to ask is there anyway to purchase a $99 ticket, they would say "No."
"What if I don't want to come back?"
"Sorry, one-way ticket is $189."

Can you imagine a show store that wanted to undercut the competition, so they advertise:
Shoes for only $9.99 left-shoe only, based on purchase of full pair.

Well, eventually everyone wants to advertise their shoes for half-price to attract attention and all the stores do it. Now everyone knows you have to double the price to get the actual pair cost. But does that make it right? And then along comes a guy with a missing leg and asks to buy just one left shoe. "Sorry, we have to sell you the pair."
"But I only want the one? Is it $9.99?"
"No. It is $19.98."

FALSE ADVERTISING.

I think the rules should be the same for everyone. Tell it like it is! I would even go as far as to say that they should have to reveal the full cost of the ticket including fees and taxes, etc. But that's just me, I could be wrong.

Scientology and South Park

There is a big stink about the South Park episode on YouTube that pokes fun of Scientology.

Apparently long time voice contributor Isaac Hayes even quit (he's the chef) over the writers' religious intolerance. Of course, Hayes didn't mind when the show made fun of Jews and Christians.

I think South Park is right on in every aspect that they made fun of, here are the highlights:

• Scientology is a religion
• It attracts a lot of celebrities
• It was founded by a (mediocre) Science Fiction writer
• Some of the beliefs are so ridiculous, it's hard to believe that anyone truly believes it
• Only those with moola ($) can be in the "church" to any great extent

Anyway - I am not sure who paid who in congress to get religious status, but here is the thing -

Scientology is not a F***ing Religion!

Religion is based on Faith. Science is for those things that can be measured, and Religion is for those things that cannot be measured. I read Dianetics as a teenager; it was interesting, and although I found holes in the logic even then, I would never have even considered it a religious matter. It barely makes philosophy.

Also, what religion worth it's salt only allows those who can "afford" to join be a member? I realize the Catholic church always has the collection plate out, and speaks of tithing, but you won't get kicked out or be prevented from receiving sacrements if you are "poor".

First of all, I support the right to free speech, but I am not so insensitive that I would purposefully trash someone else's religion - However, I feel no remorse by writing this post. In fact, I find the whole thing kind of funny "Hey look at the kooky celebrities wasting their millions on that crap!"

Just think, if they were practicing a "real religion" they could be donating that money to the poor, starting non-profit organizations, or other worthy endeavors. Just look at Oprah and Jimmy Carter and other intelligent people with money.

I also want to announce that I am starting the Church of Miketology (don't smile, this is serious) because I have very strong beliefs that I need to share, and because I can use the tax break and the extra cash. I even published a science fiction article once! Any celebrities got some free cash?

Redneck Wheelchairs

When Jeff Foxworthy gets really old, maybe he'll find himself in a wheelchair and do jokes like this:

You might be a redneck if:

* Any part of your chair is painted camo.
* You have a wheelchair up on blocks in your front yard.
* You rigged up a beer cooler powered off your chair batteries.
* You wear cowboy, biker, or work boots , even though they are a bitch to put on and you can't walk anyway.
* You installed a gun rack on back.
* Your joystick is a billiard ball, car stick shift knob, or beer tap.
* You ever thought about jacking your chair up 2 or 3 feet.
* You have huge knobby mud tires installed.
* You installed a whip antenna just so you could fly the stars and bars!
* There is a 'Harley' decal or emblem permanently attached to your chair.
* You installed a CB behind or under your chair.
* You replaced your seat with a BarcoLounger.
* You named your chair 'Bubba', 'Junior', 'Daisy', or 'Killer'.
* There is some part of a deer decorating any part of your chair.
* You hide some hooch in the tubing or battery compartment of the chair.
* You ever made any roadkill, while in the chair
* You want to add a side-car or a 'sweet little trailer'.
* The fringe of your jacket have ever got caught in your wheels - but you wear it anyway.
* You have spent more than an hour trying to figure out how to hang fuzzy dice from your chair.
* You have transported livestock in your chair. Bonus points if the livestock was bigger or heavier than you!
* Duct tape plays a major role in your repair and maintenance plan.
* You really don't need a wheelchair in the first place, but you thought it might help pick up chicks.
* You read this list and found yourself thinking, at any point, "now that's a good idea!"

Things I've Learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have lots of money, a big weenie, or huge boobs (just not all three!)

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because if anything, their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Loaded Question

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Go ask your Mother.

You Are Inconsiderate...

I saw this happen repeatedly when I was flying to L.A. every week for 6 months.

This flight was always full, that is, there was little overhead baggage room. Yet, people would put BOTH of their bags above them and refuse to put anything under their seat. Now if wasn't a full flight I wouldn't have a problem with it, or if you only had 1 bag and put it over your head...but the attendant specifically asked everyone to put one bag under your seat. So now people with their allowed 2 bags, can only put one under their seat and have nowhere to out the other.

This didn't happen to me personally since I usually have enough elite status to board first, but I still felt like some people are just rude. I even noticed the same people doing this week after week.

I'll bet they don't even think they are doing anything wrong, so I am here to set the record straight: If you have ever done this YOU ARE INCONSIDERATE!

New Technology for Plants and (Someday) Babies

In an article from Reuters - "Some people like to talk to their plants. Now, students at Singapore Polytechnic say they have created a plant that can communicate with people -- by glowing when it needs water."

Apparently they added a flourescent gene which glows under certain conditions.
I had a great idea with this...How about adding different color flourescent genes to infants so when they cry you know what they want based on the color they are glowing. For once babies would come with an instruction manual:

Red = Hungry
Blue = Wet
Green = Sick/Gas
Orange = I'm Hot
Purple = I'm Cold
Gold = I'm embarrassed to be in this family

Win $250 at BlogParty

If you have a blog, you can try and win $250 from BlogParty.net. Drawing is March 15th.

BlogParty is a new network of sites that help leverage your blog, but we need help getting the message out there. How about some motivation? How about the chance to win $250 for writting an entry in your blog about BlogParty with a link back to www.blogparty.net?

Just add your post and link it to a comment in this post.

30 Best Droppings from Mike's Brain - A 3 Year Retrospective

Since this blog started three years ago in March of 2003 and now has over 400 entries, I have decided to post links to my favorite entries as a retrospective. If the long running TV shows can do it, so can I, and I eagerly await any offers for syndication ;-)

1) How Do You Throw Out a Garbage Can?
2) The Superbowl and Taking a Dump
3) Double Your Pleasure
4) Today's Cars are Too Safe!
5) Funny Bumper Stickers
6)Reality TV + Better Traffic Flow
7) 16 Ways to Have More Fun
8) Foods Named Craps, Plopp, and Megapussi
9) 10 Ways to Tell Someone Their Fly is Down
10) Stuff That Keeps Me Up at Night

11) Historical Use of the "F" Word
12) How Things Change After Marriage
13) Car Rental Companies are Morons
14) Too Many Bottles of Beer on the Wall
15) Sometimes It's OK to Lose
16) Interesting Facts
17) More Things That Hurt My Brain
18) You Know You're Old When... or WHEN
19) Lack of Brains Hinders Research
20) Dilbert's Theory on Salary

21)Customers Suck
22)Sex, Sex, Sex
23)Bad Pick Up Lines
24)Stupid Laws (part 1)
25)Stupid Laws (part 2- Southern US)
26)Tighter Than the Skin on a Weiner
27) Weird Phobias Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.
28) Cool Rock Bands You Never Heard Of (part 1)
29) Cool Rock Bands You Never Heard of (part 2)
30) They Took Gullible Out of the Dictionary

Well, there you have it. Keep posted by subscribing to this blog (see link on right) and you can have more valuable information just like this...It will give you something to talk about at the dinner table. Mike