Sorry I've been away from the blog...Work is just taking over my life! I think I should look into another career...Let's see where can I get a job that doesn't require much work and will make me wealthy quickly? Not sure, but I know a lot of millionaires made their fortune in Real Estate. So after scouring the Internet, I think I've stumbled upon a unique investment opportunity: the castles of the 20th century. Yes, I'm talking about underground properties. They used to be old Titan and Atlas missle bases, so they are strong, maintenance-free, and will protect your whole family in - as G.W. would say - a "nuke-u-lur" blast. Most of these properties are over 10 acres in size and much less than the millions it cost to build them.
What do you all think? Should I quit my day job?
9/30/2003
9/24/2003
Common Sense & the Law
I was disheartened (okay, pissed) to find out that the court system in this country decided that the one useful thing the Government did this year, that is the Do Not Call registry, is unconstitutional. Can we actually get some people in the legal system that have some common sense?! If almost everyone in the US signed up for this thing, doesn't it sound like it might be a good idea? I know their is this thing called 'precedence' in the legal system, but the more dumb decisions that are made, the more they get to use these dumb decisions as precedence later!! So maybe I should spill hot coffee on my lap and get rich... If the telemarketers are going to lose money - tough! We don't want them! If someone invented a device that 100% prevented auto accidents and thefts, would they ban that because Auto Insurers would lose money? Maybe this is a bad example, but hopefully the point is well taken...Unfortunately judges are appointed and not voted in, otherwise we could say 'Get Real, or Get off the bench!'
And don't call me; I'll call you!
And don't call me; I'll call you!
9/23/2003
What Am I Doing Wrong? (sex survey)
from LONDON (Reuters) reporting on Durex Condoms annual survey
Sampling of Countries for:
Number of Sex Performances a Year
* Hungarians 152
* French 144
[Average = 127]
* Australians 125
* Spanish 123
* Germans 120
* Italians 119
* Americans 118 times a year
* Sweden 102
* Singapore 96
Keeping up with the times, Americans are at the forefront of the techno trend for virtual reality sex with 54 percent saying they have had sex via phone, e-mail or text message. The French scoffed at such modern nonsense -- only 20 percent of them saying they could see the point of it.
I assume that if they survey both men & women you would have to divide those above numbers in half, no? OK, my bad statistics is just a rationalization on my part !
Sampling of Countries for:
Number of Sex Performances a Year
* Hungarians 152
* French 144
[Average = 127]
* Australians 125
* Spanish 123
* Germans 120
* Italians 119
* Americans 118 times a year
* Sweden 102
* Singapore 96
Keeping up with the times, Americans are at the forefront of the techno trend for virtual reality sex with 54 percent saying they have had sex via phone, e-mail or text message. The French scoffed at such modern nonsense -- only 20 percent of them saying they could see the point of it.
I assume that if they survey both men & women you would have to divide those above numbers in half, no? OK, my bad statistics is just a rationalization on my part !
9/19/2003
People Will Buy Anything!
If you don't think people will buy anything online, checkout these sites:
Is your budgy or parrot making a mess of your house or his cage? (of course, it's a bird)...Well, no more! Just buy your pet some fashionable Bird Diapers! This is worse than sweaters on dogs!
Men - do you keep missing the bowl during those midnight runs to the bathroom? If so, you need the Glow-in-the-Dark Toilet Seat. This great product is also known as "The Neon Pee-On", "You Glo Girl", "The Shiney Hiney", "Butt Light", and "Glows Encounters".
Is your budgy or parrot making a mess of your house or his cage? (of course, it's a bird)...Well, no more! Just buy your pet some fashionable Bird Diapers! This is worse than sweaters on dogs!
Men - do you keep missing the bowl during those midnight runs to the bathroom? If so, you need the Glow-in-the-Dark Toilet Seat. This great product is also known as "The Neon Pee-On", "You Glo Girl", "The Shiney Hiney", "Butt Light", and "Glows Encounters".
9/17/2003
I'm Starting to Get Paranoid...
You would too if everyday you received dozens of emails about natural Viagara and pills for penis enlargement! Is there someone tipping these people off? Now if only I wasn't convinced that everyone has bought one of those mini-spy cams and placed them everywhere I go....
9/16/2003
People Say I Look Like....
Here is an interesting site: People Say I Look Like. You can upload your photo and who you think you look like and they will put it next to the actual celebrity photo and others vote on how much you really look like that person. There are some that are not even a close resemblance! Check out Elvis though...pretty realistic, huh? At least that guy can always get a gig in Vegas. Check out 'Z'. Only one there is Zora (from Joe Millionaire), is she really a celebrity, geez! Who do I look like? Luckily no one famous...at least not yet.
PS - Also, it's a little belated, but I wanted to say I was bummed when a favorite artist - Warren Zevon - died recently. He definitely had the most clever lyrics in rock. If you want to listen to something fun check out the recent album 'Life Will Kill 'Ya' - you won't be sorry.
PS - Also, it's a little belated, but I wanted to say I was bummed when a favorite artist - Warren Zevon - died recently. He definitely had the most clever lyrics in rock. If you want to listen to something fun check out the recent album 'Life Will Kill 'Ya' - you won't be sorry.
9/15/2003
Are Aliens Racist?
First of all I just want to say that I ran out of gas Friday coming home from work for the first time ever in my life! Luckily, I just happen to put a gas container in my trunk that week, and there was a gas station within 1/4 mile...I wish I could always be that lucky!
And how about that guy from Dallas that stowed away in a box aboard an airliner just so he could have his company pay to ship hime to his parents house! I hear he is the hottest request for an interview with an inmate (yes, he got arrested) since Lee Harvey Oswald. Hopefully, he will fare better than Osawald did. Obviously this guy is crazy, not just because he could have died in an non-pressurized non-heated storage compartement of a plane...but really, how many people want to visit their parents that badly!!
Finally, the 2 strangest stories today come from Berlin (no surprise there). Two guys wanted to defraud the insurance company, so one guy had his friend chainsaw off two of his fingers! Finally, because of a tipster, the insurance company found out about the scam and didn't have to pay him; and his friend is the one who went to jail (he was on parole). The good news is the guy can try 4 more times before he runs out of fingers.
We all know that crop circles are made by aliens right - (did you see 'Signs' with Mel Gibson)? So here is a story that a helicopter crew found a crop circle in Germany shaped like a swastika...whcih technically isn't a cirlcle, but you get the point.
And how about that guy from Dallas that stowed away in a box aboard an airliner just so he could have his company pay to ship hime to his parents house! I hear he is the hottest request for an interview with an inmate (yes, he got arrested) since Lee Harvey Oswald. Hopefully, he will fare better than Osawald did. Obviously this guy is crazy, not just because he could have died in an non-pressurized non-heated storage compartement of a plane...but really, how many people want to visit their parents that badly!!
Finally, the 2 strangest stories today come from Berlin (no surprise there). Two guys wanted to defraud the insurance company, so one guy had his friend chainsaw off two of his fingers! Finally, because of a tipster, the insurance company found out about the scam and didn't have to pay him; and his friend is the one who went to jail (he was on parole). The good news is the guy can try 4 more times before he runs out of fingers.
We all know that crop circles are made by aliens right - (did you see 'Signs' with Mel Gibson)? So here is a story that a helicopter crew found a crop circle in Germany shaped like a swastika...whcih technically isn't a cirlcle, but you get the point.
9/12/2003
Ping...Pong...
Anyone who calls Ping-Pong 'table tennis' will likely beat you every time.
Also, never bet with anyone who calls Pool "billiards".
Also, never bet with anyone who calls Pool "billiards".
9/11/2003
Tribute
A moment of silence for lives lost 2 years ago.....
Here is an 18-minute film online called 'Building the Twin Towers'. Very good construction footage in honor of a lost American icon.
Here is an 18-minute film online called 'Building the Twin Towers'. Very good construction footage in honor of a lost American icon.
9/10/2003
Nothing to say...
For once I have nothing to say today...Well, that's something I guess.
How about - the weather is beautiful!
- OR -
A man walked into the doctors office and said, "My arm hurts in several places"
The doctor said, "Well don't go to those places any more"
How about - the weather is beautiful!
- OR -
A man walked into the doctors office and said, "My arm hurts in several places"
The doctor said, "Well don't go to those places any more"
9/09/2003
Am I Geek or Not?
I can hear it now, Jeff Foxworthy can give up his Redneck jokes and move over to nerd or geek jokes. "If you know 3 foreign languages, and all of them are based on TV shows....you might be a geek nerd." You laugh, but maybe this shoe will fit on you? Do you regularly visit web sites for Leonard Nimoy, or Bill Mumy? (If you don't know who he is, I'm sorry you lose 50 points.) Do you play drinking games to Star Trek episodes (aka BeerTrek)? If so, I think you should take the Geek Aptitude Test (GATs) and check your score. You may surprise yourself.
9/08/2003
Male of Female?
Did you ever wonder if certain inanimate objects were Male or Female, which they would be? OK, well I think about strange things....Here are a few examples:
ZIPLOC BAGS - Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SHOE - Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER - Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
TIRE - Male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
SUBWAY - Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - contrary to popular belief--FEMALE, It gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
ZIPLOC BAGS - Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SHOE - Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER - Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
TIRE - Male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
SUBWAY - Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - contrary to popular belief--FEMALE, It gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
9/05/2003
A Zebra Does Not Change It's Spots...
Al Gore was correct when he said that, especially about politicians saying dumb things...
Of course, no one will ever beat Dan Quayle at this game! "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." Huh, Dan? But just to show these vice presidents are not alone, here are some dumb sayings by current & past presidents:
George W. Bush:
"Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?"
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."
"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor as you like to be liked yourself."
Gerald Ford:
"If Lincoln was alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."
"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been."
"I love sports. Whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio."
"That is what has made America last these past 200 centuries."
It's no wonder that celebrities like Arnold, Jesse Ventura, "Gopher", and others are getting into the political act; they are next in line for saying dumb things. Personally, I expect Brooke Shields and Brittany Spears to run for office in about 15 years. Here are some of their sayings that I feel qualify them for office:
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." -- Louisiana native Britney Spears, when asked the best part of being famous.
Of course, no one will ever beat Dan Quayle at this game! "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." Huh, Dan? But just to show these vice presidents are not alone, here are some dumb sayings by current & past presidents:
George W. Bush:
"Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?"
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."
"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor as you like to be liked yourself."
Gerald Ford:
"If Lincoln was alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."
"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been."
"I love sports. Whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio."
"That is what has made America last these past 200 centuries."
It's no wonder that celebrities like Arnold, Jesse Ventura, "Gopher", and others are getting into the political act; they are next in line for saying dumb things. Personally, I expect Brooke Shields and Brittany Spears to run for office in about 15 years. Here are some of their sayings that I feel qualify them for office:
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." -- Louisiana native Britney Spears, when asked the best part of being famous.
9/04/2003
Phobias (part 3): The Final Entry
Continuing to peruse the list of phobias I notice one I have when I get on a plane...no, not fear of flying, but Autodysomophobia "fear of one that has a vile odor." Here is one that is popular in D.C. and now in California: Politicophobia- fear or abnormal dislike of politicians. And if you need to "borrow" money from someone, look for a Plutophobic (fear of wealth). It also seems that many people I meet each day have Phronemophobia- fear of thinking. You know who you never see at the DMV? People with Macrophobia- fear of long waits. Look, there is even a fear of watching movies that have Oprah in them Porphyrophobia, officially listed as "fear of the color purple." What's this: Parthenophobia- fear of virgins. First of all, how do they know? Second of all it sounds like a good pickup line: "Excuse me, I have this fear I was hoping you could help me with..."
Some fears must come in pairs, that is, if you have one you probably have the other. For example, if you have Peladophobia (fear of bald people), you probably have Phalacrophobia (fear of becoming bald), and you probably don't watch Star Trek Next Generation or Kojak. Also, if you have Barophobia (fear of gravity), you should have Basophobia (fear of falling). I assume these people just live in outer space.
And now (drum roll) for the truly strange phobias:
Anthophobia- Fear of flowers (because they are so dangerous?)
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes (I would think tubas are more scary)
Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables (I understand about brussel sprouts, but really...)
Papaphobia- Fear of the Pope (it must be the big hat)
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity (what does this even mean?)
Finally, there were two entries that totally threw me for a loop, I'm not even sure they were not meant to be jokes. Does anyone know what these mean?
Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons (what is a walloon?)
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat (versus the regular mole rats?)
That's it for my exploration of phobias. Hope you enjoyed it. There is one thing I know that neither I nor all of you have: Cyberphobia or Logizomechanophobia- fear of computers. Unless I have to put in a Microsoft patch (aaaah!!)
Some fears must come in pairs, that is, if you have one you probably have the other. For example, if you have Peladophobia (fear of bald people), you probably have Phalacrophobia (fear of becoming bald), and you probably don't watch Star Trek Next Generation or Kojak. Also, if you have Barophobia (fear of gravity), you should have Basophobia (fear of falling). I assume these people just live in outer space.
And now (drum roll) for the truly strange phobias:
Anthophobia- Fear of flowers (because they are so dangerous?)
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes (I would think tubas are more scary)
Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables (I understand about brussel sprouts, but really...)
Papaphobia- Fear of the Pope (it must be the big hat)
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity (what does this even mean?)
Finally, there were two entries that totally threw me for a loop, I'm not even sure they were not meant to be jokes. Does anyone know what these mean?
Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons (what is a walloon?)
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat (versus the regular mole rats?)
That's it for my exploration of phobias. Hope you enjoyed it. There is one thing I know that neither I nor all of you have: Cyberphobia or Logizomechanophobia- fear of computers. Unless I have to put in a Microsoft patch (aaaah!!)
9/03/2003
Phobias (part 2): Body Parts and Functions
Continuing with the list of phobias I read through, I noticed that body parts and body functions were very popular; although the parts listed were not only the ones you might expect:
Proctophobia - fear of rectums, is understandable, especially if one is too close to you, but the following list seems a bit odd to me:
Geniophobia- Fear of chins (obviously they can't watch the Tonight Show with Leno), Genuphobia- Fear of knees (these people walk funny), Ommatophobia- Fear of eyes (these people take photos with everyone's head cut off).
As far as body functions go there is Urophobia (fear or urine or urinating) can only last so long before you have to give in no? Fear of defecation is called Rhypophobia, and these folks must spend a lot of money on colonics. Fear of feces in general--which I assume leads to Rhypophobia--is called either Coprophobia or Scatophobia. These folks typically can be seen running and screaming from the bathroom with their pants down!
Remembering that each of these phobias has one or more real "victims", I wonder how the following people live in today's society:
Cathisophobia- Fear of sitting (no chairs in this house)
Electrophobia- Fear of electricity (mostly an Amish thing)
Olfactophobia- Fear of smells (popular with ex-zoo workers)
Papyrophobia- Fear of paper (what do they use in the bathroom? do they handle money?)
Nomatophobia- Fear of names (don't even think about opening the 10,000 baby names book!)
Dipsophobia- Fear of drinking (I assume these people die off in a few days?)
Anemophobia- Fear of air drafts or wind (none live in Chicago)
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up (hate to hear "Heads up!", and can't become astronomers)
Tomorrow in the final installation of our phobia list (aka make fun of other people so no one notices us), we will look at some really strange phobias (yes, even more than the above). Don't be scared, come back and read!
Proctophobia - fear of rectums, is understandable, especially if one is too close to you, but the following list seems a bit odd to me:
Geniophobia- Fear of chins (obviously they can't watch the Tonight Show with Leno), Genuphobia- Fear of knees (these people walk funny), Ommatophobia- Fear of eyes (these people take photos with everyone's head cut off).
As far as body functions go there is Urophobia (fear or urine or urinating) can only last so long before you have to give in no? Fear of defecation is called Rhypophobia, and these folks must spend a lot of money on colonics. Fear of feces in general--which I assume leads to Rhypophobia--is called either Coprophobia or Scatophobia. These folks typically can be seen running and screaming from the bathroom with their pants down!
Remembering that each of these phobias has one or more real "victims", I wonder how the following people live in today's society:
Cathisophobia- Fear of sitting (no chairs in this house)
Electrophobia- Fear of electricity (mostly an Amish thing)
Olfactophobia- Fear of smells (popular with ex-zoo workers)
Papyrophobia- Fear of paper (what do they use in the bathroom? do they handle money?)
Nomatophobia- Fear of names (don't even think about opening the 10,000 baby names book!)
Dipsophobia- Fear of drinking (I assume these people die off in a few days?)
Anemophobia- Fear of air drafts or wind (none live in Chicago)
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up (hate to hear "Heads up!", and can't become astronomers)
Tomorrow in the final installation of our phobia list (aka make fun of other people so no one notices us), we will look at some really strange phobias (yes, even more than the above). Don't be scared, come back and read!
9/02/2003
Phobias (part 1): Kids, Vampires, and Party Poopers
When President Roosevelt spoke of Phobophobia in his inaugural address ("...nothing to fear but fear itself.") he may not have realized all of the different things that Americans do fear. After perusing a list of official phobias, I realized that each of these was defined because at least some people must actually be afraid of these things! Some are obvious and almost universal I would think at some point in our lives.
For example, I think that many kids/teens have the following phobias during the school years:
Scolionophobia or Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of school
Testophobia- Fear of taking tests.
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns
Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing
Dentophobia- Fear of dentists
And for you awkward-types: Caligynephobia or Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful women
All of this typically turns into Ergophobia (Fear of work) by adulthood, and if you are a man then you probably have Mallophobia (fear of shopping with your wife/girlfriend)...OK, I made that one up.
If you are a typical American Vampire, then you most likely have the following phobias:
Heliophobia or Eosophobia- Fear of the sun or daylight.
Ecclesiophobia- Fear of church
Staurophobia- Fear of crosses or the crucifix
People with Vestiphobia (fear of clothing) are typically popular at parties; however the you will never see these people at a party, or if you do, they are major party poopers:
Chorophobia- Fear of dancing.
Melophobia- Fear or hatred of music.
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter
Methyphobia or Potophobia- Fear of alcohol.
Oenophobia- Fear of wines (for the Potophobes who like beer)
Erotophobia or Genophobia- Fear of sexual situations or sex acts.
Tomorrow I'll talk about phobias of body parts and functions (including all your favorites), and some really strange phobias that will make you wonder how certain people function in the modern world.
For example, I think that many kids/teens have the following phobias during the school years:
Scolionophobia or Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of school
Testophobia- Fear of taking tests.
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns
Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing
Dentophobia- Fear of dentists
And for you awkward-types: Caligynephobia or Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful women
All of this typically turns into Ergophobia (Fear of work) by adulthood, and if you are a man then you probably have Mallophobia (fear of shopping with your wife/girlfriend)...OK, I made that one up.
If you are a typical American Vampire, then you most likely have the following phobias:
Heliophobia or Eosophobia- Fear of the sun or daylight.
Ecclesiophobia- Fear of church
Staurophobia- Fear of crosses or the crucifix
People with Vestiphobia (fear of clothing) are typically popular at parties; however the you will never see these people at a party, or if you do, they are major party poopers:
Chorophobia- Fear of dancing.
Melophobia- Fear or hatred of music.
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter
Methyphobia or Potophobia- Fear of alcohol.
Oenophobia- Fear of wines (for the Potophobes who like beer)
Erotophobia or Genophobia- Fear of sexual situations or sex acts.
Tomorrow I'll talk about phobias of body parts and functions (including all your favorites), and some really strange phobias that will make you wonder how certain people function in the modern world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)