A Choice magazine survey of nearly 12,000 people found the worst 9 presents to give for Christmas were:
- electric ice shaver
- ice cream maker
- foot spa
- electric can openers
- aromatherapy diffusers
- hair removal appliances
- heated rollers
- hair curling wands
- deli-slicers
I would now like to add one of my own thoughts here.
I know you can't get your virginity back - but now (men) you can get your foreskin back (I'm serious). But I would not recommend giving someone the artifical foreskin for Christmas.
12/09/2005
12/08/2005
What to do with all that Junk Mail?
Turn it into modern decor - specifically venetian blinds.
HERE's HOW
HERE's HOW
12/07/2005
Saved by the Bell
Are you constantly getting called into useless meetings? Do people just seem to come up to you while you're trying to work and yammer away? Are there just some people you don't want to talk to? (We told you not to date your co-workers dumbhead!)
Well - now there is relief!
Go to Ring4Freedom to be saved!
For a small monthly fee, you can set up scheduled calls (for that weekly status meeting) or have it ring your cell phone immediately. You can then tell your colleagues/relatives/strangers that "I have to take this...it's gonna be a while."
Good Luck and --- oops, that's my phone -- gotta go!
Well - now there is relief!
Go to Ring4Freedom to be saved!
For a small monthly fee, you can set up scheduled calls (for that weekly status meeting) or have it ring your cell phone immediately. You can then tell your colleagues/relatives/strangers that "I have to take this...it's gonna be a while."
Good Luck and --- oops, that's my phone -- gotta go!
12/03/2005
Ad ** Host 2 Domains with Free Wordpress Blogging $2.95/mo
Sorry but I've been using these guys for years and I still have yet to find a better hosting account for the same or less money.
12/02/2005
A True Problem Solver (parable)
A wise man rode into a desert village one evening as the sun was setting.
Dismounting from his camel, he asked one of the villagers for a drink of water.
‘Of course,’ said the villager and gave him a cup of water.
The traveller drank the whole cupful. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘Can I help you at
all before I travel on?’
‘Yes,’ said the young man. ‘We have a dispute in our family. I am the youngest of three brothers. Our father died recently, God rest his soul, and all he possessed was a small herd of camels. Seventeen, to be exact. He decreed in his will that one half of the herd was to go to my oldest brother, one third to the middle brother and one ninth to me. But how can we divide a herd of 17? We do not want to chop up any camels, they are worth far more alive.’
‘Take me to your house,’ said the sage.
When he entered the house he saw the other two brothers and the man’s
widow sitting around the fire arguing. The youngest brother interrupted them
and introduced the traveller.
‘Wait,’ said the wise man, ‘I think I can help you.Here, I give you my camel as
a gift. Now you have 18 camels. One half goes to the eldest, that’s nine camels.
One third goes to the middle son, that’s six camels. And one ninth goes to my
friend here, the youngest son. That’s two.’
‘That’s only 17 altogether,’ said the youngest son.
‘Yes. By a happy coincidence, the camel left over is the one I gave to you. If
you could possibly give it back to me, I will continue on my journey.’
And he did.
Dismounting from his camel, he asked one of the villagers for a drink of water.
‘Of course,’ said the villager and gave him a cup of water.
The traveller drank the whole cupful. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘Can I help you at
all before I travel on?’
‘Yes,’ said the young man. ‘We have a dispute in our family. I am the youngest of three brothers. Our father died recently, God rest his soul, and all he possessed was a small herd of camels. Seventeen, to be exact. He decreed in his will that one half of the herd was to go to my oldest brother, one third to the middle brother and one ninth to me. But how can we divide a herd of 17? We do not want to chop up any camels, they are worth far more alive.’
‘Take me to your house,’ said the sage.
When he entered the house he saw the other two brothers and the man’s
widow sitting around the fire arguing. The youngest brother interrupted them
and introduced the traveller.
‘Wait,’ said the wise man, ‘I think I can help you.Here, I give you my camel as
a gift. Now you have 18 camels. One half goes to the eldest, that’s nine camels.
One third goes to the middle son, that’s six camels. And one ninth goes to my
friend here, the youngest son. That’s two.’
‘That’s only 17 altogether,’ said the youngest son.
‘Yes. By a happy coincidence, the camel left over is the one I gave to you. If
you could possibly give it back to me, I will continue on my journey.’
And he did.
12/01/2005
Geek Pickup Lines
Here are my favorite geek pickup lines as found on BBspot board.
I don't mean to disturb you, but Heisenberg's Uncertainly Principle said I already did that by observing you.
You make me want to be an honest man, and register all my shareware.
Do you prefer the static or expanding universe theory more? Because, since I first saw you, I'm expanding.
What's a nice girl like you doing on an unsecured webcam like this?
I have so much love to give you'll have to pipe it through more.
I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.
Girl, I wish I was your differential, because then I'd be touching all your curves.
I'd switch to emacs for you.
Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?
By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.
Want to see my Red Hat?
You had me at "Hello World."
I don't mean to disturb you, but Heisenberg's Uncertainly Principle said I already did that by observing you.
You make me want to be an honest man, and register all my shareware.
Do you prefer the static or expanding universe theory more? Because, since I first saw you, I'm expanding.
What's a nice girl like you doing on an unsecured webcam like this?
I have so much love to give you'll have to pipe it through more.
I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.
Girl, I wish I was your differential, because then I'd be touching all your curves.
I'd switch to emacs for you.
Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?
By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.
Want to see my Red Hat?
You had me at "Hello World."
11/29/2005
Another Industry that Should Die
Greeting Cards
Seriously. I know that guys aren't big on this stuff anyway - but now it's REALLY getting annoying. I went to the card store to by three cards the other day (birthday, anniversary, and baby) and I dropped over $12!! For what?! It's bad enough they have to kill trees to make this stuff, but twelve dollars! How much are you paying the guys who come up with the cute sayings and lame poems on these things?
Send an e-card - it will save the forest. And if you really like paper and snail mail, make your own card or write a note by hand; it's more personal anyway. And you can save your money for something better...like playoff tickets.
Seriously. I know that guys aren't big on this stuff anyway - but now it's REALLY getting annoying. I went to the card store to by three cards the other day (birthday, anniversary, and baby) and I dropped over $12!! For what?! It's bad enough they have to kill trees to make this stuff, but twelve dollars! How much are you paying the guys who come up with the cute sayings and lame poems on these things?
Send an e-card - it will save the forest. And if you really like paper and snail mail, make your own card or write a note by hand; it's more personal anyway. And you can save your money for something better...like playoff tickets.
You Know You're Fat When...
Americans are definitely getting fatter.
We've all heard the yo' mama so fat jokes (e.g., Yo mama so fat, her shadow weighs 50 pounds.) Well, Here is a news article from Reuters:
Longer Needles Needed for Fatter Butts
CHICAGO (Reuters) - Fatter rear ends are causing many drug injections to miss their mark, requiring longer needles to reach buttock muscle, researchers said on Monday.
Standard-sized needles failed to reach the buttock muscle in 23 out of 25 women whose rears were examined after what was supposed to be an intramuscular injection of a drug.
Two-thirds of the 50 patients in the study did not receive the full dosage of the drug, which instead lodged in the fat tissue of their buttocks, researchers from The Adelaide and Meath Hospital in Dublin said in a presentation to the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America.
Besides patients receiving less than the correct drug dosage, medications that remain lodged in fat can cause infection or irritation, researchers Victoria Chan said.
"There is no question that obesity is the underlying cause. We have identified a new problem related, in part, to the increasing amount of fat in patients' buttocks," Chan said.
We've all heard the yo' mama so fat jokes (e.g., Yo mama so fat, her shadow weighs 50 pounds.) Well, Here is a news article from Reuters:
Longer Needles Needed for Fatter Butts
CHICAGO (Reuters) - Fatter rear ends are causing many drug injections to miss their mark, requiring longer needles to reach buttock muscle, researchers said on Monday.
Standard-sized needles failed to reach the buttock muscle in 23 out of 25 women whose rears were examined after what was supposed to be an intramuscular injection of a drug.
Two-thirds of the 50 patients in the study did not receive the full dosage of the drug, which instead lodged in the fat tissue of their buttocks, researchers from The Adelaide and Meath Hospital in Dublin said in a presentation to the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America.
Besides patients receiving less than the correct drug dosage, medications that remain lodged in fat can cause infection or irritation, researchers Victoria Chan said.
"There is no question that obesity is the underlying cause. We have identified a new problem related, in part, to the increasing amount of fat in patients' buttocks," Chan said.
11/18/2005
Did you ever wonder if those aluminum foil helmets really work?
Look now more! Finally, here is an Empirical Study of their effectiveness from none other than the (arguably) finest technical institute in the USA, MIT.
Now I am safe from Government control, UFO alien mind altering, and other "bad" things.
Now I am safe from Government control, UFO alien mind altering, and other "bad" things.
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