Things You Should Not See in a Second Hand Shop

If you do see these used items for sale, even in a garage sale, take a pic and attach it here.

• Chap Stick
• Toilet Paper
• Toothbrush
• Dr Scholls Foot pads
• Jock Strap (with stains)
• Half-size Lollipop
• Tootsie Roll with teeth marks
• Marshmallow Peep without a head
• G-string anything
• Tongue stem
• Catheter
• Vibrator
• Enema bag
• Mouthguard
• Contact lenses
• Dentures
• Ear buds

10 Things I Can Count On

Forget about death and taxes...here are a few things that I can always count on...

1. There will be nothing on TV
2. The low battery alarm in the smoke detector will always start in the middle of the night
3. The new AC/DC album will be awesome
4. No matter how positive of a statement you make on social media, someone will find fault with it
5. Fruitcake never expires
6. The escape button on my PC doesn't take me anywhere
7. Stephen King will write another 5,000 pages (that's 40,000 on the kindle) and I will have to read them
8. A celebrity and an athelete will do something stupid in the same week
9. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas
10. A numbered list never ends on '9'.

Great Ideas - Numero Uno

Okay, every once in a while I get a few great ideas while driving, showering, waiting in line and performing ablutions and bodily functions. So when the moment strikes I feel I should share them with the world to do with as they wish.

And when I say great ideas, I generally define great to mean "astonishingly stupid" -- as in Great Scott!, or "totally incoherent" -- as in Great Grandfather.

This all came about when I was reading a book by James Altucher (@jaltucher) recently that said as part of a daily regimen to enhance your mental abilities (and ultimately improve your life), one of the things that you should do is come up with 10 ideas daily. They don't even have to be good - which was a great relief to me, and the inspiration for this post. So I try to do this most days, but sometimes I have the ideas when I am not near my idea pad, and so I share them via email post to this blog.

So why don't I take these great ideas I have for myself and execute upon them and turn them into viable products and services and make a lot of money? Why don't I do it to give back to humanity and make the world a better place?

I can respond in one simple word: I'm Lazy.

Anyway, feel free to use any of these ideas on my blog to further yourself and your family. You do not need to pay me back unless you are a female porn star, or Salma Hayek. If you are a dude, a nice case of Heineken would be nice at least, you cheap bastard!

So without further fanfare, here is this week's installment of "great" ideas:

(1) FlipSox (tm)
While standing in line at the pizza parlor waiting for my order, I saw not one, but two women come into the shop wearing flip flops...with socks. It is winter here in NJ, but not to be denied from wearing the laziest shoe apparel on the planet just because it is 30 degrees, these women wore socks. Surely, since there are 2 of them this must be a trend. The problem is that they jammed their socks into that little rubber stem in the flip flop and it was bending the stem and crinkling the sock between their toes.

So I thought someone should create a sock with a pre-sewn indentation between the big toe and the rest of the sock - kind of like mittens for feet. This way, your foot will slide easily into the flip flop and you can wear socks. I just can't decide if they should be white, black, or argyle.

(2) Leaning Tower of Pizza
Alright, this needs a better name, but it is a great idea. After leaving the aforementioned pizza parlor, I had 2 boxes of pizza placed onto the passenger seat in my car. I have bucket seats. The pizza always sits on an angle and the cheese slides toward the one side. So I proceed to jam my empty water bottle underneath, or crumpled Big Mac wrappers or anything to try and level it out. Then I have to hold it with one hand, text with the other, and somehow find a way to drive home with a remaining appendage. I thought it would be great to just have a device that sits on the bucket seat and keeps the pizza level and in place.

My vision is a beanbag type bottom, with a flat plastic top piece with rubber matting on top and a small lip at the end to hold the pizza boxes in place. You can easily adjust it by just pushing gently to redistribute the beans in the bag until it was level - and of course there would be a built in yellow bubble float level thingy - so you can tell.

No more fighting over who gets the piece with all the cheese when you get home.
You're welcome.

How I Beat Depression...The Natural Way

I have suffered from a mild level of depression for as long as I can remember - at least as long ago as college. Sometimes it would get quite debilitating; not enough to keep me from getting up in the morning or going to work, but I went through life in a haze and did not interact with many people. I never sought out help because I just assumed it was my personality and it was 'the way I was.'

Another reason is I knew they would just give me drugs...and I HATE taking drugs, especially if it is for more than a week or two, i.e. SSRIs. I knew several people who were taking one type or another of anti-depressants and they couldn't stand them. The interesting thing was, only 1 out of about a dozen I talked to said they believe they were helpful.

I decided after decades of feeling like this I would try some natural remedies and do any actions that would improve my mood. I used Google to come up with this list below.

Here is what I did over several weeks (maybe months) to get to a better place mentally and emotionally. I can tell you that I need all of them because if I let one lapse I notice it, first in my stress level, then in my mood.


1) Stop listening to/reading the news

The news is all bullshit anyway. The networks/media decide what is "important" and they tell it to you the way they believe will be the most entertaining - not informative - to you. This generally means getting you riled up and emotional so you keep coming back for more. The end result is not to inform you, but to hook you like crack. If you MUST watch the news, at least watch a legitimate news program like the BBC.  However, by going cold turkey on international and national news I am less paranoid, stressed, and much less depressed since I am not seeing on a daily basis how shitty of a place the world is - which it is not, but the news doesn't want to let the secret out.

If something important does come up I generally will still hear about it either on social media or possibly from a quick glimpse at the silent TVs in the gym while I am working out, and then I can decide if I want to look into it a bit more on the internet. This mostly happens for catastrophic events, or big weather that might impact my area. I get my local and state news from Twitter and that seems to work well since I think I am even more informed about things that will impact my life (local events, tax issues, road and traffic, etc.).

Overall, if I had to pick one item on this list to help get over depression it is this one. Get off the Media News teet.

2) Take 2000 IU of Vitamin D3

Okay, some of you are thinking that vitamins are bogus and they don't really matter. I am not a big supplement and vitamin taker, but I can tell you that after 2-3 weeks of taking Vitamin D, I feel a LOT better. It does not just elevate your mood, but it helps with a lot of other health-related issues. Just Google 'benefits of vitamin d' and you can read about it. I take 2000IU even in the summer when I am out in the sun. I had my blood tested for vitamin D levels and I was at about 80. Anything under 100 should be fine [disclaimer: I am not a doctor nor play one on tv - please consult a medical professional if you have questions]. If you start to taste metal in your mouth you went too far and you need to stop for a week or so. Anyway, if I only had to take one vitamin, this would be it.

For the record, I take a B-complex a few times a week as well and I believe that this helps as well, but more so for stress than with the depression. The D3 appears to enhance my mood as well.

3) Get 8 Hours of Sleep

I know, I know - it is hard to do, after all there are all those marathon Netflix binges you have to get to, and the video games, or the stack of books, or the partying on weekends, or trying to get to the gym. Overworking yourself and getting only 4-6 hours of sleep will eventually catch up with you, especially one you get a bit older, and this will effect your ability to pull yourself out of a funk - and I believe it is even the cause for some of my mild depression; I think I was just tired. I never get less than 7 hours of sleep now, and I try for 8 if possible. I am not the type of person who has trouble falling asleep, but if you are, you should definitely find some remedies for that...again, Google is your friend.

4) Be More Social

I have joined several meetup groups and reached out to some friends I don't see as much as I would like, and generally try to accept more offers to hang out. Getting out of the house, and breaking the daily routine really helps. I am introverted by nature so I am not interested in partying every night or even having a conversation many nights, but staying at home all the time makes you feel that there is little excitement in life. You need to push yourself to get out and try new things. Try wall climbing, a comedy show, hiking, or even something simple like try a new grocery store and see what you can find.

That's it. If you implement these 4 things above for 1 month, notice the difference in your mood, attitude, and life outlook.

PS - I am trying to add a 5th --> Drink More Water, and possibly a 6th --> Meditation
That is a post for another time.
Ciao.

The Rain in Pain...

I am sitting in my car in the parking lot. It is pouring rain out and I have to get about 100 meters to the front door of the building where I work. I look behind the passenger seat of my car, where I usually throw my umbrella -- it is not there. I'm pretty sure that I left it on my desk yesterday when it was only threatening to rain. Figures. Now it is going to rain for 2 days. Well, at least I will have my umbrella going back to the car, right?

So what is worse then forgetting your umbrella when it rains? Combining it with a senior moment. I exit the vehicle and attempt to run between the rain drops, which are the size of a Buick, and of course reach the office soaking wet. Just before I go to open the door, I remember where the umbrella is. I grabbed it yesterday on my way out the door and threw it behind the DRIVER seat in my car.

Uncle Dabbler

My mother, siblings, and I waded through the multitude of boxes that contained the life possessions of my deceased uncle. We were simultaneously moving some stuff to the driveway for the ongoing estate/garage sale taking place, and discarding the rest of the stuff that no one would ever want.  Sifting through the boxes, I vowed not to leave so much behind “junk” for my surviving loved ones. It is amazing how much we accumulate over the years. There was some stuff that didn’t make sense to me, like receipts from 1975; there was other stuff that seemed a bit ridiculous, like 20 bags of 100 rubber bands. There was also the stuff that was unrecognizable and no one had any idea what it was.

There was a box of items from all of the various jobs he had over the years, including, electric hair cutters and barber equipment, and surprisingly a Flowbee (gasp!), items from the retail career, and even a nameplate from the casino floor days. His final job was handyman for a condo complex, so there were a lot of tools that at least be put to good use.

The old phrase “you can’t take it with you” rang true that day, as we moved and sorted box after box. It made me think of all the books I have had on my shelf for years that were unread – would I ever read them before I die? Maybe I should just ditch them now. What about all the stuff I saved “just in case I ever needed it”, how much should I keep? I don’t know for sure, but I’ll bet I could put everything I really need in two medium size boxes. It would be an interesting exercise to attempt.

As the day wore on and the crowd lessened at the estate sale, I started going through some of the remaining items, and that was when it hit me; my uncle and I were very similar in a particular way.  He was a dabbler. I too suffer from this affliction –and yes, it is a malady. I was always jealous of those people who had a single passion and focus of interest, and thus became incredibly proficient at it, whether it was a sport, piano, math, or skateboarding. I had too many interests to count, I was into everything. I loved it as a kid, but as an adult I now see the downside.

I saw my uncle’s guitar sitting in its case. A very nice Martin with a cherry wood fretboard. I saw a whole box of tablature song books: the Beatles; James Taylor; Bob Dylan. I remember him playing a few Beatles songs when I was a kid right after he learned to play when he got back from Viet Nam.  Moving along to the next box, I saw a dozen books on various money-making ventures. These included mostly real estate investing – which he never did as far as I know—and the ever popular Think and Grow Rich.  There were many more books on money, all touting some quick way to riches du jour.  There were tools from the time he took up creating stained glass lampshades. I saw a few years editions of the Writer’s Guide to Publications.  If he ever attempted to write I’m not sure, but I know he talked about the great American novel once or twice.

I taught myself guitar in high school as well, and purchased quite a few books on tablature. I dabbled with that on and off for 8 years. I also spent a lot of time reading about money, and especially a six year period where I learned all I could about real estate investing. Unlike my uncle, I actually did get involved with actually investing and becoming a landlord… I lost my shirt. I read Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill – twice. I never attempted to make anything out of stained glass, but, I have a copy of the Writer’s Guide to Publishing. I have always thought I would be either a scientist or a writer when I grew up; I am neither. I would love to write a novel, and I love writing, but I hate editing. Unfortunately, writing a published work is at least 80 percent editing and re-writing.

I wonder what items will be left over in my, hopefully few, boxes of possessions after I leave everything behind. The evidence of my dabbling will be easy to spot: stamp collection from age 9; coin collection from age 12; guitars; books on writing; books on photography; notes on attempts to build various businesses; etc.

Honestly, the world has a lot to offer and there is so much to learn and to explore, I will never give up my dabbler ways, and I am okay with that. Maybe it is not the way to riches, or to mastery, but it is entertaining and interesting and I believe that it is infinitely better than being interested in nothing. I hope my uncle was content with his choice as well, to poke the big toe in many pools and occasionally take a quick dip and test the water. I still believe that I have a lot of life in front of me, and who knows, maybe that box of final possessions will contain copies of my great American novel – but not in hardcover, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s back.

Push '1' for English...

It's bad enough when I have to dial '1' for English to get service on the phone, but there is something that really irks me.... and it has happened 3 times already today when calling the cable company, a credit card company, and my insurance carrier.

They make you enter your account number or phone number at the automated prompt, then when the service rep gets on the line they ask the same info.

I say, "I already typed it in - look it up."
"Sorry sir, that information doesn't come up on my screen."
"Then why did I have to type it in?"
"That's just how it works..."

God help us all.

New Computer Viruses to Watch Out for (not)...

1. Tonya Harding Virus
Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.

2. Paul Revere Virus
Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\

3. Ollie North Virus
Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.

5. Ronald Reagan Virus
Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored.

6. Oprah Winfrey Virus
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

8. AT&T Virus
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

9. MCI Virus
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

10. Politically Correct Virus
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

11. Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

12. Government Economist Virus
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

13. Adam and Eve Virus
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

14. Congressional Virus #1
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half, blaming the other side for the problem.

15. Airline Virus
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

16. PBS Virus
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

17. LAPD Virus
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense."

18. O.J. Virus
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.

Kids are never outside anymore

When I was a kid we played outside all summer long and didn't come home until supper - maybe.
If our parents needed us they screamed out the window or called the neighbors.
I can remember fondly many days of wiffle ball, riding bikes and jumping makeshift ramps made of cinder blocks and plywood, hanging out in the woods, and burning hot wheels with lighter fluid -- okay, that last one might have just been me...but we all had a good time.

When it rained - it really sucked.

Today there are so many things to do inside that kids do not want to go outside. Between the internet, HDTV, and the XBOX, the outside world is just not that compelling I suppose. I don't even see kids going over their friends houses anymore, they play video games over the Net and use headphones to communicate while playing. Even when kids do go outside today, it is typically their parents driving them to organized sport and activities.

You also hear parents say, there are too many bad people out there today, it's just not safe. I think it is no worse percentage-wise than when we were kids, but the 24-hour news media has to cover things to death.

I would HATE to be a kid today. When do you get an opportunity to get away from your parents? School - that's it. You're in the house all day, you don't get to go hang with your friends, and when you play sports, your parents are there with you screaming at the referee.

You guys can keep your smartphones, video games, and Skype; I prefer hanging out doing nothing outside in the sunlight and fresh air and not begin tethered to everyone, everywhere.