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Teen Sex in the Techno Age

Where technology and creativity, meets horny --

These days you can put almost anything on sale on the Web, but a 19-year-old British student has pushed the boundaries one step further. David Vardy, a student at Bournemouth University on the south coast of England, has put his virginity up for sale on eBay.

For Vardy, who said he doesn't have a serious girlfriend, this is the most creative way he thought he could get an opportunity to have his "first time."

"By the age of 19, most people have been under enough pressure to have lost their virginity," Vardy told ABC News' Good Morning America. "I haven't lost mine yet. I have to lose my virginity, so being a creative person, what is the most crazy way? I'll stick it out on the Internet and see what interest I get."

Vardy's ad on eBay has reportedly gotten 7,000 hits from places as far as Australia and Texas. He said he has received eight offers for potential mates and bids close to $11,000.

Vardy said he has been carefully sorting through the inquiries and has received some promising offers.

"Some of them have more money than sense," Vardy said. "And some seem to be jokers, but I don't want to deal with losers [or] stalkers, so that cuts out about 90 percent of the population. Some of them were models. I was talking to a model in London, and she was interested in bidding. But due to the media attention this has provoked, she's [retracted] because she has too much on her plate."

Biggest Balls in the World...

This Doc not only convinced his patient to have sex with him -- he then had the nerve to cahrge the insurance company as services rendered! You go, Doc!

GRESHAM, Ore. June 18, 2004 — An Oregon City doctor will spend two months in jail after he advised a patient that having sex with him would help her pelvic pain, then billed the Oregon Health Plan for his time during their sessions.

Dr. Randall J. Smith, 50, must also perform 200 hours of community service and pay $1,105 in fines as part of a plea agreement, Rodney Hopkinson, a senior assistant attorney general for the Oregon Department of Justice, told The Oregonian newspaper.


Dog sprinkler

Here is a great idea. AN auto-sprinkler for wandering dogs...but let's not limit ourselves here. This had potential for door-2-door sales people, Jehovah's Witnesses, and neighbors you don't like:


Another Cool Link if you like Crosswords (and aren't good at it):


Viagra Spin-Offs (Women - Improve Your Life)

Ladies -- I am sure that Viagra has improved the quality of life for many of you. Now, here are some additional drugs for your man to improve your life even more.

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents."

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store's return limit.

Here is one for the men - sponsored by the US Gov't:
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.



VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this

morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software

giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified

number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it

will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world


With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president

of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT

senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in

the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.

"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten

years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic

Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range

of people."

Through the MICROSOFT Network, the company's new on-line service, "we will

make the sacraments available on-line for the first time" and revive the

popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice of selling indulgences, said Gates.

"You can get Communion, confess your sins, receive absolution -- even reduce

your time in Purgatory -- all without leaving your home."

A new software application, MICROSOFT Church, will include a macro language

which you can program to download heavenly graces automatically while you are

away from your computer.

An estimated 17,000 people attended the announcement in St Peter's Square,

watching on a 60-foot screen as comedian Don Novello -- in character as

Father Guido Sarducci -- hosted the event, which was broadcast by satellite to 700

sites worldwide.

Pope John Paul II said little during the announcement. When Novello chided

Gates, "Now I guess you get to wear one of these pointy hats," the crowd

roared, but the pontiff's smile seemed strained.

The deal grants MICROSOFT exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and the

Vatican's prized art collection, which includes works by such masters as

Michelangelo and Da Vinci. But critics say MICROSOFT will face stiff

challenges if it attempts to limit competitors' access to these key

intellectual properties.

"The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy scriptures," said

Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia. "You take the parting of the Red Sea

-- we had that thousands of years before the Catholics came on the scene."

But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw on a common

Abrahamic heritage. "The Catholic Church has just been more successful in

marketing it to a larger audience," notes Notre Dame theologian Father

Kenneth Madigan. Over the last 2,000 years, the Catholic Church's market share has

increased dramatically, while Judaism, which was the first to offer many of

the concepts now touted by Christianity, lags behind.

Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive competitor,

leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to Catholicism, and

entering into exclusive licensing arrangements in various kingdoms

whereby all subjects were instilled with Catholicism, whether or not they

planned to use it. Today Christianity is available from several

denominations, but the Catholic version is still the most widely used.

The Church's mission is to reach "the four corners of the earth," echoing

MICROSOFT's vision of "a computer on every desktop and in every home".

Gates described MICROSOFT's long-term strategy to develop a scalable

religious architecture that will support all religions through

emulation. A single core religion will be offered with a choice of

interfaces according to the religion desired -- "One religion, a couple

of different implementations," said Gates.

The MICROSOFT move could spark a wave of mergers and acquisitions, according

to Herb Peters, a spokesman for the U.S. Southern Baptist Conference, as

other churches scramble to strengthen their position in the increasingly

competitive religious market.


Scientists Discover Perfect Joke Formula (+ Generic Ethnic Joke)

I got this from a British Web Site. I think they're serious...either way, they sure no how to take the fun out of everything!

The mathematical equation for the perfect joke has been revealed by scientists.
The formula - c=(m+nO)/p - was worked out by Helen Pilcher and Timandra Harkness.
As well as being scientists, the pair are also stand-up comedians who make up the Comedy Research Project. They run this in collaboration with the Science Museum's Dana Centre in London.

In the formula, c is the funniness of the joke; m is the "comic moment" which is arrived at by multiplying the punchline's funniness rating by the length of the joke's buildup.
nO is the number of times the subject undergoes a pratfall, multiplied by the "ouch factor" - the social and physical pain of the indignity involved. The total is divided by the number of puns, p. According to the equation, if a joke consists of a long "shaggy dog story", it doesn't require such a funny punchline as a shorter wisecrack.

If the Brits are correct, then we can create cookie-cutter jokes by starting with a generic formula and substituting our own data...kinda sounds like most TV sitcoms!!

Here is an Example:

A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly
considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another person
belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set of imputed
stereotypical mannerisms.
The first person acted in a manner consistent with the stereotypes
associated with his ethnic group, and proceeded to make a remark which
might be considered to establish conclusively his membership in that
group, whereupon his companion proceeded to make a remark with a double
meaning, the first meaning of which could be interpreted to indicate his
agreement with his companion, but the other meaning of which serves to
corroborate his membership in his particular ethnic group.
The first person took offense at his remark, and reacted in a
stereotypical way!


Things My Mother Taught Me

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep laughing and I'll 'give' you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about PARADOX
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
"Will you 'look' at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about PERSEVERANCE
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Thanks, Mom!


Jobs That Get No Respect

Bartender at the Betty Ford clinic.
Fashion model at the Iowa state fair.

Whatever it is that I'm doing at the time...


Boy Not Allowed To Bring Porn Star To Prom

Boy Not Allowed To Bring Porn Star To Prom
"Max won a date with adult film actress Tyler Faith on Howard Stern's show Friday. Max is a student at Connecticut's Weston High School. The Advocate of Stamford, Conn., reported school officials and Max's parents stepped in before Saturday's prom. Max said his dream was to take a porn star to the dance. But it was a dream unfulfilled. Weston High Principal Mary Kolek says a date with a porn star violates the school's prom guidelines. Kolek said Max would be allowed to attend -- with a more appropriate date."

Mike's Advice to Max - "Just skip the prom dude! What do you think you will remember more 20 years from now, your stupid prom, or a date with a porn star!"


Killer toads march on city

Like something out of Monty Python - you remember the ferocious bunnies from Holy Grail don't ya? - here is another reason that Australia is a nice place to visit, but wouldn't want to live there.

News | Killer toads march on city in Australia


How to Swear in 156 Different Languages

Here are some tips from the Ugly American Travel Journal (June '04):

If you are planning a trip around the world this year, it is important to know a little about the language for each country you will be visiting. Now, while it is not possible for most if us to learn enough of each language to carry on a decent conversation, there are a few words or phrases that are critical in every country...so at a minimum, make sure you learn the following:

1) Hotel
2) Beer
3) Bathroom
4) How much?
5) Sorry, officer
6) ...and, as many expletives as possible.

In order to assist with #6, use this web resource.
Insult Monger Website