Short Sick Joke

A baby seal walks into a club...


Inflation and the Bionic Man

Inflation in my father's adult years increased average prices 1,000% or more -
Example 1: a postage stamp in the 1950s cost 3 cents; today's cost is 37 cents - 1,233% inflation;
Example 2: a gallon of full-service gasoline cost 18 cents before; today it is $2.28 for self-service - 1,267 % inflation;
Example 3: a new house in 1959 averaged $14,900; today it's $282,300 - 1,795% inflation (+1,510% if quality-adjusted);
Example 4: a dental crown used to cost $40; today it's $740 - 1,750% inflation;
Example 5: an ice cream cone used to cost 5 cents; today its $2.50 - 4,900% inflation;
Example 6: monthly Medicare insurance premiums paid by seniors was $5.30 in 1970; its now $78.20 - 1,475% inflation;
Example: several generations ago a person worked 1.4 months per year to pay for government; he now works 5 months.

And in the past, one wage-earner families lived well and built savings with minimal debt, many paying off their home and college-educating children without loans.
How about today? [Reference: Grandfather Inflation Report]

If there is anything to learn from the above, it is this...
1) I should've bought an ice cream truck.
2) The show "Six Million Dollar Man" (aka Steve Austin) would have costed about 87 million today. (Here's the Theme Song) No wonder the networks won't fund anything like that now!


Guess Who's Been Google-bombed?

Failure abounds all around us...
An online magazine, aptly named 'Failure', has been keeping tabs on the biggest FOTY (Failure of the Year) - so far it's (no surprise) -- the Government's response to Katrina.

But if you really want to have some fun (and know the answer to the blog entry) - go to Google and type
and then hit "I'm Feeling Lucky"


Things You'll Never Hear in a Western

"I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"

"Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

"Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"

"Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

"That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my hair dresser!"

"He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."

"Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?"

"It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."


Let's Put the 'Real' Criminals in Jail

OK - I have 2 things to say about the article below:

1) Should this woman really be spending 15 years in jail and having my tax money spent in this way - how about the owner of the place? They know who he is! Even so, I say FIRST get all the muggers, muerderers, rapists, and child molesters locked up, and then IF there is any room left over you can think about escorts. Talk about going for the low-hanging fruit

2) FYI - If your going to court and are going to plead Not Guilty to prostitution, try to dress appropriately!

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A $2,000 an hour prostitute known as New York's No. 1 Escort pleaded not guilty on Thursday to charges of money laundering and prostitution that stemmed from her bragging in the media about her work.

Canadian Natalia McLennan, 25, sobbed uncontrollably in Manhattan Criminal Court after she was unable to post $50,000 bail and was taken away in handcuffs to jail.

The charges against McLennan came after she bragged in several interviews about her professional exploits, including posing provocatively for the cover of New York Magazine under the headline "N.Y.'s # 1 Escort Reveals All." In that interview, she told the magazine she generated revenues of $1.5 million annually and kept 45 percent of that sum in return for having sex with high-roller clients of NY Confidential, a swanky Moroccan-themed brothel in Manhattan.

McLennan showed up for her arraignment dressed in a skimpy mini-skirt, a see-through blouse and four-inch spike heels, and told the court she had no idea she would remain in custody after the hearing. She wailed as she was taken from the courtroom. She will remain in jail pending her next hearing on Monday. She faces up to 15 years in prison if convicted.


Nobel Peace Prize

Today it was announced that Mohamed ElBaradei won the Nobel Peace Prize.
How great would it be to win this prize? I'd love it; you might even say that --

I'd Kill for a Nobel Peace Prize!

The ironic thing, of course, is that the prize is named after Alfred Nobel, who invented... Dynamite.

Not so Nobel ---- (Ig Nobel)

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The inventor of artificial testicles for dogs, Nigerian Internet scammers and a team that calculated the pressures created when penguins poop ("Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh -- Calculations on Avian Defecation," an actual study published in 2003 in the journal Polar Biology) won Ig Nobel prizes for 2005 on Thursday. Gauri Nanda of the MIT, won the prize in Economics for inventing an alarm clock that runs away and hides.

The spoof prizes, awarded by the science humor magazine Annals of Improbable Research, are presented at a ceremony in Cambridge, Massachusetts, where the winners must try to explain their work in a minute or less.


Rodney: A Tribute

In honor of the late Rodney Dangerfield, who died this day (Oct 5) last year. Here are some classic lines:

My school was tough, it had its own coroner;
In class, we used to write about what we want to be -IF- we grow up.
The neighborhood was tough too; my parents bought a waterbed and there was a guy in the bottom of it.

I don't get no respect; even as a kid.
When I was at the zoo my Dad told me to play connect the dots on the leopard.
I can't blame 'em though - I was just an ugly kid.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born!
I was so ugly that when my folks made home movies, they'd hire an actor to play me.

When I was growing up, we were poor...poor I tell ya.
Until I was six I thought Alpo was baby food.
My friends and I used to just play stick.
The only pet we could afford was dust bunnies.
We were so poor, if I wasn’t a boy I'd have nothing to play with...

---- R.I.P. Rodney


Great Ads from Ireland Betting Website!

Irish bookmaker Paddy Power was fending off the wrath of Christians in overwhelmingly Roman Catholic Ireland on Friday over an advert depicting Jesus and the Apostles gambling at the Last Supper. "To abuse this image, which is central to Christian beliefs, in a vulgar advertising campaign is totally and grossly inappropriate and Paddy Power should apologize to the people." Paddy Power acknowledged it had taken a "load of flak" over the advert.

Other Ads under fire include:
Animal rights groups complained about one showing a rabbit with a missing paw and the caption, "Make Your Own Luck," while another featured two elderly ladies using Zimmer frames to cross a road with odds written above them. At the time, Power insisted it was a race to see who could cross the road first, but many saw the odds as relating to which woman would be run over by a car.

These advertisements can be seen online HERE

Santa Sues the Government

You know the world has gone crazy when even Santa Claus is cranky. But then, if he didnt get his reindeer back in time, where would we be come Christmas...?
COPENHAGEN (Reuters) - Santa Claus will receive $5,000 in compensation from the Danish air force after an F-16 fighter jet frightened one of his reindeers to death.

Professional Danish Santa Olavi Niikanoff complained to the air force after a reindeer died with fright when a jet roared over the field where his animals were grazing, air force spokesman Captain Morten Jensen told Reuters.

"We acknowledge it was our fault and we have to pay compensation," Jensen said, adding that the air force regularly paid out sums of money to compensate for animals that die of fright when planes boom overhead.