How Do You Know When Your Old?

I recently celebrated my 30th birthday...it was ten years late...but I celebrated it anyway. So I bought a lottery ticket.

In my previous post I stated that some people are too old to win the lottery...but I got questions on how do you know if you're too old to win... so here are some criteria or "tests" that I found to determine whether you should be allowed to play or not:

You are too old to win the lottery if more than one of these apply to you:
- If you are asked to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
- If work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work.
- If people keep telling you how good you look (and never did before).
- If they discontinue your blood type.
- If your birth certificate is a scroll of papyrus.
- If your walker has an airbag.
- If the Dead Sea was only sick when you were young.
- If you bend over to tie your shoes and then figure out what else to do while you're down there.

Remember - only old people say: "Age is only a number."


Old Folks and the Lottery

The article below proves that old people should not be allowed to win the lottery! If your 89 and win millions, and all you want are new panty hose and a Lincoln Continental - your not thinking! First of all, your probably too old to be driving anyway, get off the road -- second, your 89!!! Your not gonna live that much longer, spend it baby, spend it! These folks are not even moving out of their retirement home? You can buy yourself a nice little property in Florida, hire a maid, health care worker, gardner, and everything - and dont forget all the relatives who will be suddenly interested in "visiting"! I think this couple should just send me the money and I'll buy them the car and the hosiery and throw in a fruit basket!

Here's the Article:
TORONTO (Reuters) - An 89-year-old couple who won a C$7.5 million lottery jackpot plan to keep living in their retirement home and perhaps splurge on a new pair of nylons for her and a Lincoln car for him.

Thelma and Victor Hayes, who have been married for 63 years, had played the same numbers for years but decided to go for a quick pick of random figures for the August 6 draw, Canadian media reported Tuesday.

The pair, who both turn 90 soon and have two daughters, said they were unlikely to become giddy high spenders.

"No plans, except I'm getting a new pair of nylons," Thelma Hayes said. Her husband was a little more bold: "I'd like a Lincoln, if I can find one that's suitable."

The Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation said the Hayes are one of the oldest couples to win a big jackpot.


FOOD for Thought

Rice is great when you want to eat 2000 of something.

My mother served leftovers for 30 years - the interesting thing is that no one ever found the original meal.

I order club sandwiches all the time, and I'm not even a member - I dont know how I get away with it.


I Hate Lawnmowers!

I've gone through more lawn mower problems in the last 2 years than most people have in a lifetime - I must be a jinx. I have a gash in my front rider mower tire, so I bought a new tube and tire. I asked the guy how to take off the old one from the wheel and he said just use 2 screwdrivers. Two hours later I still don't have that damn tire off - and I have no idea how I will get the new one on without busting the tube.

I feel like going over to that hardware store and giving that guy 2 screwdrivers - but I won't tell you where I'd like to put them....

I hope you all have a better weekend than me!


Money for Life

Today I made a realization: I have enough money to last the rest of my life, as long as I don't buy anything.

I'm not sure if that makes me depressed or happy? No matter how tough things get though, I always feel rich when I go to the dollar store. The only problem is how many oven mitts and plastic utensils do i really need?


Thoughts on Home Repair

As far as I'm concerned, home repair projects come in 2 types:
1) those too big to tackle, and
2) those too small to bother with
Whenever there is a repair project and it cant be fixed with duct tape, or WD-40 it's a female problem.

Eventually though there are some things that can be ignored no longer and must be taken care of...you know like leaking gas, broken windows, the bees nest in the bedroom, and when all the toilets are clogged.

So I hope to have all these items taken care of BEFORE football season starts...because once that happens - everything can come crumbling down, and I probably won't get to it until February.



More Things That Hurt My Brain...

What's the shelf life of a shelf?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

When your life flashes in front of you does it include all the time you spent in traffic?

How young can you die of old age?

What does a sesame seed grow into?

What do you send to a sick florist?

Does a plumber have to wash his hands before going back to work?

During a lunar eclipse, do werewolves only have sideburns and a goatee?


More Things That Keep Me Up at Night...

If a rabbit breaks a mirror does it get bad luck even though it has 4 rabbit's feet?

Do hearses get to use the carpool lane?

Why isn't there mice-flavored cat food?

Can you pawn a chess set?

Is it against the law to counterfeit monopoly money?

Is 'tired old cliche' one?


Things to Ponder

If you had a million Shakepeares, could they write like a monkey?

Why do they call them buildings, it looks finished, why not call them "builts"?

If you think the average person is stupid, then realize that half are dumber than that.

If youre 25 and sleeping on Star Wars sheets, the force is not with you.