Overheard on the Train

Middle Aged Guy asks: "How do I know if a girl is too young for me?"

Woman Replies: "If she is wearing 'Loves Pink' clothes she is too young.

Please Enter Your Account Number

Today's Pet Peeve:

You call customer service and suffer through several levels of menu selections and then they ask you to enter your account number to make sure you are really a customer. So you obey like a good consumer and enter the 16, 20, or 50 digit account number and then a pound sign (or as the kids call it now, hashtag.)

Then they put you on hold for anywhere from 1 minute to 27 holes of golf long. 

Then you finally get the customer service representative and they ask your name and then they want your account number - again! I tell them I just punched it into the phone, get it from the computer.  

"Sorry, sir they dont pass that info onto us, can you tell me your account number?"

With all the technology they have, they can't display the account number I just entered into system to the rep? Of course, they can! But not one of them do. 

So now, since I have to enter it twice and wait on hold for a long time, I tell them my account number 1 digit at a time, really.....really....slowly.

Bad Timing

So a few weeks ago it was still dead of winter and there was an arctic blast or two and it was ungodly cold for a long time. During the beginning of this unusually cold winter, I lost my scarf, just when I needed it most.  So - no big deal, right? I'll just go to the store and buy another one for a few dollars.

WRONG!

Stores no longer carried winter clothes. It was February and they were well into spring season. If I wanted some shorts, or flip flops, or T-shirts with stupid sayings on them - they were fully stocked.
Scarves, gloves, hats...not so much.

I checked 4 stores and eventually found one that had one brand of scarf left in the remainder area; it was $30. Serioulsy Kohl's? Thirty dollars for 24" of acrylic? No thanks.

So I was cold for the rest of the winter. Thank God it is now spring.

I believe we should all petition our congressman/woman to make it illegal to not sell clothing appropriate for the current climate - especially if you are a clothing store...

And while we're at it, I think McDonalds should sell breakfast at anytime...I mean who are they to tell me when I can get up and eat breakfast?

USB

Even though it is a 50/50 chance, I have never once inserted a USB device into a PC the correct way the first time!

USB = u suck balls

Things You Should Not See in a Second Hand Shop

If you do see these used items for sale, even in a garage sale, take a pic and attach it here.

• Chap Stick
• Toilet Paper
• Toothbrush
• Dr Scholls Foot pads
• Jock Strap (with stains)
• Half-size Lollipop
• Tootsie Roll with teeth marks
• Marshmallow Peep without a head
• G-string anything
• Tongue stem
• Catheter
• Vibrator
• Enema bag
• Mouthguard
• Contact lenses
• Dentures
• Ear buds

10 Things I Can Count On

Forget about death and taxes...here are a few things that I can always count on...

1. There will be nothing on TV
2. The low battery alarm in the smoke detector will always start in the middle of the night
3. The new AC/DC album will be awesome
4. No matter how positive of a statement you make on social media, someone will find fault with it
5. Fruitcake never expires
6. The escape button on my PC doesn't take me anywhere
7. Stephen King will write another 5,000 pages (that's 40,000 on the kindle) and I will have to read them
8. A celebrity and an athelete will do something stupid in the same week
9. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas
10. A numbered list never ends on '9'.