Another difference between Men and Women

Like we needed more :-)

A new study says that women cry, on average, 6 times a month; men cry on average once a month. Anybody want to guess what time of month men tend to cry? ;-)

Dave Barry summed up the difference between men and women pretty succinctly when he said:
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base."

How to Survive at Work

The 3 things I can think of to help survive at work are embodied in these sayings. That is: laugh; collaborate; and persistence.

Laugh: "I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people." - Jack Handey

Collaborate: "TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself."

Persist: "Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security."


Chess and Pets

I see recently that Kasparov won against the computer 3D (or did he tie?). I was having dinner with the world chess champion and our table had a checked tablecloth -- it took him two hours to pass me the salt.

Here are some interesting pet quotes:

"When you drop a cat it always lands on its feet and when you drop a piece of toast it always lands buttered side down. So I strapped a slice of toast to my cat's back, buttered side up. He's been spinning inches above the ground for a week now."

"Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times -- three of those times I was reading it."
- Rodney Dangerfield


Who's to Say What is Art? (aka Hang Ten)

BUDAPEST (Reuters) - Police have removed the corpse of a man believed to have hanged himself at least a year ago after builders and students at Budapest's University of Arts had initially mistaken it for a modern sculpture.

The body hung for a whole day in a garden building that had been re-opened for repairs before onlookers realised what it was and called the police, local media said.

The building, in campus grounds crowded with different types of sculpture, had been closed five years ago pending reconstruction work.

Spoofs on Movies of Movies about Books

MGM studios says it has bought the script of Henry Bates and the Sorcerer's Balls - a comic parody of both the hugely popular Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings series.

Out go the Hobbits and Gandalf the good wizard and in come the Bobbits, who are under an evil sexual spell, and the good wizard Gandolfini who battles the bad wizard Enron.

Henry Bates (Master Bates?) attends a school called the St Buggerers Academy for Boys and One Girl, and sets out on a quest to regain his kingdom - the Land of Middlefinger.


Feeling Lucky?

Try something new, have fun, boldly go where no one purposefully went before! Try a random weblink!
random website dot com

Sushi on Nearly Naked Women Draws Protest

Of course it draws a protest: Question (an easy one) - Are the protestors men or women? She is only nearly naked I'm sure do to the Health Board.

The women and patrons call it 'performance art'. I'm not sure that this will start a trend but if McDonalds has me eat fries with ketchup off a person I may have to pass.
AP Wire | 11/11/2003 | Sushi on Nearly Naked Women Draws Protest: "Sushi on Nearly Naked Women Draws Protest"

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Stupid Laws (Focus on the South)

We poked fun at some of the dumb laws from around the country previously in my weblog (Oct 23, 03). To continue this endeavor, let's take a look at the southern part of the US:

* It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle [Stevie Wonder needs to take off his blindfold now?]
* It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church [Rubber chickens, however, are perfectly fine.]
* Sex toys are banned throughout the state. [Anyone know where to buy cucumbers?]
* Solitaire may not be played on Sundays [Poker is OK.]

* A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. [And what time of month would they pick?]

Delaware (yes, it's south of the Mason-Dixon):
* In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce. [Don't eat any dirty pickles.]
* It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades. [Unless you dump them in NJ.]

* If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. [But who cleans up the mess?]
* It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. [
* Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. [So my formal dress is ok?]
* Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. [this is a typo; I think they meant PAINFUL!]
* It is considered an offense to shower naked. [Do your laundry and shower at the same time in Florida!]
* It is illegal to sell your children ["Losing them" in Disney though is encouraged.]

West Virginia:
* It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. [Note- More rabbits are sold in WV than any other state.]
* Roadkill may be taken home for supper. [Only in F-ing West Virginia!]
* Whistling underwater is prohibited. [Don't they mean 'impossible'?]

OK, that's it. Be careful when you travel, you never know what law you might break!

World's Worst Beers

The customers have spoken! Here is a web site that rates beers...The best beers listed seem to be harder to find and are typically local or regional. Unfortunately the Worst Rated Beers are all popular and admit it, you've probably drank quite a few of those listed at some point...namely college when all we could afford is Old Milwaukee (it's on the list).


Want to know what day you will die?

That's always a tricky question, and of course if this site could actually be taken seriously, I would not visit it...but since it's just for fun! Go to DeathClock and see how long you have to live!

My date is March 5, 2039. I have over a million seconds left!


Sick & Tired

Sorry I haven't been posting this week. Work has been really hectic and burned me out, and now I have bronchitis...

Here are a few things to keep you amused until Monday when I will do the following topics during the week:
* Joe Schmoe
* Rubbernecking
* More Dumb Laws (of the South)

Funny Guy George Carlin

Think you're friend is a baboon? Send him a call from a monkey! Believe me, it's worth the money.

Want to hear some (fake?) celebrity crank calls? Try This Link to hear Ah-nold call Gateway computer and someone's mother, or even Al Pacino call the car dealer, and of course, Sgt Hartman from Full Metal Jacket.