Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
--Bill Vaughan
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
--Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
--Rita Rudner
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
--Noelie Altito
I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with.
--Rodney Dangerfield
I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
--Douglas Adams
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
--David Letterman
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
--Unknown