Albert Einstein once said, “Everyone has two choices. We’re either full of love--or full of fear.”
“You are where you are because you want to be there. If you want to be somewhere else, you’ll change.”
Definition of Insanity: "Continuing to do the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."
3/26/2005
3/17/2005
St. Patty Jokes
Most Irish jokes seem to involve drinking, wives, and on occasion lepruchans. Here are few oldies:
Joke 1-
McCarthy walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.
"Excuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McCarthy had done. "What was that all about?"
"Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
Joke 2-
On Saint Patrick's Day, an Irishman who had a little to much to drink was driving home from the city and his car was weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulled him over.
"So," said the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Joke 1-
McCarthy walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.
"Excuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McCarthy had done. "What was that all about?"
"Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
Joke 2-
On Saint Patrick's Day, an Irishman who had a little to much to drink was driving home from the city and his car was weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulled him over.
"So," said the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
3/10/2005
Funeral Songs are All the Rage...
Some people spend a lot of time trying to figure out their wedding song, but now a poll in the UK and Europe of over 20,000 came up with the these top 6 songs that they want for their funeral.
(1) Angels - Robbie Williams
(2) My Way - Frank Sinatra
(3) Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - Monty Python
(4) Stairway to Heaven - Led Zepplin
(5) Requiem - Mozart
(6) Highway to Hell - AC/DC
Here is how I interpret the groups of people who selected each song:
(1) The folks younger than me (since I dont even know the song or singer)
(2) Folks older than me
(3) Wise Asses (just like me)
(4) All the burn outs from high school who are overly optimistic
(5) Traditionalists and Music Majors
(6) All the burn outs from high school who are realistic
(1) Angels - Robbie Williams
(2) My Way - Frank Sinatra
(3) Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - Monty Python
(4) Stairway to Heaven - Led Zepplin
(5) Requiem - Mozart
(6) Highway to Hell - AC/DC
Here is how I interpret the groups of people who selected each song:
(1) The folks younger than me (since I dont even know the song or singer)
(2) Folks older than me
(3) Wise Asses (just like me)
(4) All the burn outs from high school who are overly optimistic
(5) Traditionalists and Music Majors
(6) All the burn outs from high school who are realistic
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)