15 Things to Keep in Mind

1. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
3. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
6. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
7. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
8. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
9. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
10. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
11. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
12. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
13. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
14. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
15. When all esle fails...you've failed