If you really want to have some fun - Slap a Clown. Go Ahead...it will make you feel better.
Or, if you are one of those wierdos that actually likes clowns - you can slap a mime...No one likes mimes!
Just a little stress relief for a Friday.
1/29/2004
LACK OF BRAINS HINDERS RESEARCH
The title of this entry is an actual headline from a newspaper. It references a study that required human brains for an Alzheimers study, but they couldn't find enough deceased brains to work with...
So just to highlight a few more ambiguous newspaper headlines I decided to list a few here:
EYE DROPS OFF SHELF
QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED
PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE
KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE
MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER
DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFEREES GROWING UGLY
PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS
2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS AT CHECKOUT COUNTER
ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
INCLUDE YOUR CHILDREN WHEN BAKING COOKIES
HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS
ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE
IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS
So just to highlight a few more ambiguous newspaper headlines I decided to list a few here:
EYE DROPS OFF SHELF
QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED
PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE
KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE
MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER
DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFEREES GROWING UGLY
PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS
2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS AT CHECKOUT COUNTER
ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
INCLUDE YOUR CHILDREN WHEN BAKING COOKIES
HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS
ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE
IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS
1/27/2004
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Need to go real bad but your stuck in your truck miles from the nearest rest stop? Here is what ingenuity in the backwoods will get you. This "invention" probably wouldn't work well in the city; although admittedly I have seen some worse stuff in NYC.
Uncle Booger's Bumper Dumper
Uncle Booger's Bumper Dumper
1/22/2004
Today's Quotes
"Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. "
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. "
1/21/2004
Palindromes (Semordnilap?)
Palindromes are word phrases that can be read the same way forward and backwards. I always found it wrong that the word 'Palindrome' doesn't read the same way forward and backwards. I think it should put its money where its mouth is...From now on let's call palindromes Sposasops
Here are some examples of palindromes -er, I mean- Sposasops:
A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.
Don't nod
Dogma: I am God
Never odd or even
Go hang a salami; I'm a lasagna hog!
Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas!
A Toyota! Race fast, safe car: a Toyota
No, it never propagates if I set a gap or prevention
Kay, a red nude, peeped under a yak
Some men interpret nine memos
Do geese see God?
God saw I was dog
Dennis sinned
As you can see, I was bored today. Know any others?
Here are some examples of palindromes -er, I mean- Sposasops:
A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.
Don't nod
Dogma: I am God
Never odd or even
Go hang a salami; I'm a lasagna hog!
Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas!
A Toyota! Race fast, safe car: a Toyota
No, it never propagates if I set a gap or prevention
Kay, a red nude, peeped under a yak
Some men interpret nine memos
Do geese see God?
God saw I was dog
Dennis sinned
As you can see, I was bored today. Know any others?
1/20/2004
Dilbert's Theory on Salary
Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since: Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion:
The less you know, the more you make. Thus, executives and sales people make more money than the engineers and scientists.
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since: Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion:
The less you know, the more you make. Thus, executives and sales people make more money than the engineers and scientists.
1/19/2004
More Stupid Criminal Antics
The Orlando Sentinel Reports:
"Several days after getting out of jail, where he had served time for drunk driving and other charges, Ronald A. Mahner stopped at the Seminole County (Fla.) Sheriff's Office to pick up his personal belongings. He provided his driver's license as identification. A clerk checked him in the computer and found the license had been revoked for life. She sent a co-worker to get the license number on the car he was driving. The car, which Mahner had parked in a fire lane, was reported stolen the day Mahner got out of jail. He was arrested as he tried to get back in the car. "
"Several days after getting out of jail, where he had served time for drunk driving and other charges, Ronald A. Mahner stopped at the Seminole County (Fla.) Sheriff's Office to pick up his personal belongings. He provided his driver's license as identification. A clerk checked him in the computer and found the license had been revoked for life. She sent a co-worker to get the license number on the car he was driving. The car, which Mahner had parked in a fire lane, was reported stolen the day Mahner got out of jail. He was arrested as he tried to get back in the car. "
1/16/2004
Shopping for Dictators
If you need artillery, ammunition or something like that visit the Home Despot web site.
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