JOKE 1:
This cab driver in the Bronx picks up a drunk from a bar about 3 in the morning.
About halfway home, the drunk asks the driver, "Hey buddy, you got room up there for 2 six packs and a pizza?"
The cab driver says, "Sure."
The drunk says, "Well here ya go," then he leans over the front seat and throws up.
JOKE 2:
There is a knock on St. Peter's door. He looks out and a man is standing there. St. Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears.
A short time later there's another knock. St. Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, and the man disappears once again.
A few minutes later, another knock. Once again St. Peter opens the door and sees the same man.
"Hey, are you playing games with me?" St. Peter calls after him. "No," the man's distant voice replies anxiously. "They're trying to resuscitate me."