* 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
* 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
* The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
* All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
* Borrow money from pessimists—they don't expect it back.
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
* Half the people you know are below average.
* Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
* How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* If everything is going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
* The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
* The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
* The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
* When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?