12/22/2003

Customers Suck

Here are some (supposedly) real questions customers have asked various store workers, (and some snyde comments by yours truly):

Where does the film go in the digital camera?

On the phone: "I got caught for shoplifting a year ago. Can I come back and shop yet?"
[Please Ms. Ryder, do not call us--we'll call you!]

Is your Sunset Dinner Cruise on a boat?" followed by: "is there any meal on there?"
[Answer: Does the Titanic have deck chairs?]

Do you sell metal thinner?
[Thinner than what?]

Where are your telephones and microwaves? (When you work in a dollar store)
[In the Barbie section]

Is your chicken parmesan made from chicken?
[No, it's made BY chickens.]

My nephew is 6 years old. What size would he be?
[How old are you? "30." Well, then he's one fifth of your size!]

I broke this, can I have a discount?
[If I set your house on fire, can I have the insurance money?]

Are the red seedless grapes seedless?
[You mean those green ones?]

This version of the Matrix DVD is in widescreen.....How wide does my TV have to be to be able to see it?
[At least 57". Did I tell you about our big screen sale?]

Do you sell a parmesan cheese shaker in the shape of a rat?
[Doesn't everyone?]

Where are your kidney gifts?
[Right near the anniversary bladders, why do you ask?]

What color are your blue tarps?
[Gold, of course]

How can you legally sell buffalo wings, don't you know that they are extinct?
[OK, Jessica Simpson!]

I bought this item 6 years ago. I don't have a receipt and I'm not even sure if I bought it here. Can I get a cash refund?
[* smack! *]

Do you take expired coupons?
[Only if you take expired food.]

Do you have a dvd rewinder?
[Yes, they're next to the 8-track read/write drives.]

How much will a 5 gallon tank hold?
[19 liters]

Can I order from the menu?
[No it's just for show.]

"Do you have Windows 95 for Sony Playstation?
[Why ruin a good playstation?]