Most homeowners go through a spring cleaning once a year to get rid of unwanted items. Even though we are months away from that, I would like to propose a similar concept for many of our state laws. Some are obviously outdated and others were just a bad idea to start with... There are some disturbing laws describing practices that should be obviously avoided, so one wonders why they were ever passed; someone (probably multiple people) must have performed these actions resulting in bad consequences. So without further introduction, here are my list of actual laws that should be destined for spring cleaning -by state:
New Jersey
- It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season. [What if it's ice fishing season and he needs gloves?]
- It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer. [Can you frown with a middle finger?]
- You may not slurp your soup. [Might as well say, 'You may not eat your soup'.]
- All motorists must honk before passing another car, bicyclist, skater, and even a skateboarder.
Arizona
- Hunting camels is prohibited. [Now that camels are over running the state, I think we can relax this law.]
- Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. [But where would Uncle Jeb sleep then?]
- You may not have more than two dildos in a house. [Sharing is unhygienic, and the AZ Dildo patrol is too expensive.]
- It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine. [Because the cops cannot get as much money for it when they confiscate it.]
Alaska
- It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. [Don't make me stop this plane, Mister!]
California
- No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. [Too much traffic in CA to ever exceed 60mph anyway!]
Wisconsin
- Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons. [Because fat prisoners are easier to chase when they escape.]
- It is illegal to cut a woman's hair. [But it is ok to burn it?]
Wyoming
- It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people's view in a public theater. [But then I'd actually have to watch Gigli!]
- You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. [The permit costs $425.]
Pennsylvania
- It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. [But officer, it's the most comfortable appliance on my porch!]
- You may not sing in the bathtub. [People are tired of only humming - let them sing!]
- Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk. [Where do you think you are? Nevada?]
- You may not catch a fish with your hands. [Then again, you may.]
Colorado
- Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses. [We can't have this kind of lawlessness.]
Tomorrow we'll take a look at dumb laws in the South ;-))